Smiley Anders for Oct. 8, 2012

Before I wind up our old sayings, here are a few that caused me some merriment:

• Christi Todd, of Mountain Home, Ark., says, “I dated a guy back in the 70s from Dry Prong who once told me, ‘Woman, you look like death perched on a graham cracker.’

“I probably did, and since he was REALLY cute, I let it roll off my back like water off a duck (speaking of old sayings).

“Never heard that before or since, but I’ve referred to myself looking that way more times than I should admit.”

• Barbara McKaskle, of Hammond, says, “My dear departed father-in-law, Bill McKaskle, is the only one I ever heard use this saying about a bad, no-good son of a gun:

“‘He shoulda been hung when a ’tater vine woulda done the job.’”

• Dudley Lehew, of Denham Springs, says, “Before the days of the interstate system, I would hear south Louisiana roads described as ‘so crooked you have to slow down for your own tail lights!’”
• And Hal W. Gould tells of being “busier than an octopus with the hives.”

A collector’s woes

Bob Downing tells of the down side of collecting art:

“At the Mental Health Association fundraiser, we bid $75 on an original Katherine Anders painting and got what would normally be a $200 painting.

“Quite a bargain.

“However, my wife’s sewing room needed to be repainted to match the painting.

“Since we were painting, ‘we’ decided to pull up the dingy old carpet and put in wood flooring.

“That made the bedroom and the room next to it look dingy, so we put wood flooring in those two rooms.

“Instead of being a bargain, this painting is now the most expensive art in my house.”

Bob adds, “I bought your last book, and I didn’t remodel the bathroom just to read it.

“Although, since the contractor was here anyway, ‘we’ replaced the toilet I have been promising to fix.”

The Omen, Part II

After a reader mentioned encountering an alligator on Interstate 10 between Baton Rouge and New Orleans just before the LSU-Florida football game, I heard from Karen Stassi, of Prairieville, about another disturbing experience:

“My boss and I were riding back from a meeting in New Orleans a couple of weeks ago when we passed a larger-than-life-sized statue of an elephant traveling down the interstate on a trailer.

“We presume that it was an omen for the Alabama game.

“Only problem — I’m a Tiger and the boss is an Aggie. Who was the omen meant for?”

Mike is busted!

Discussing old typing methods, I heard from Mike Manes who asked, “What is carbon paper?”

Janet Stevens terms his question “quite ironic.”

“Mike and I are from the same hometown, New Iberia.

“His mother was typing teacher for many years at Mt. Carmel High, where I graduated.

“So I am quite sure he knows what carbon paper is.”

For wayward pups

In our continuing effort to help readers with wandering dogs, here’s an idea from Paula:

“Ask your veterinarian about the prescription drug Reconcile.

“It worked great for our now-departed Norman, whose escape efforts included twice jumping through a glass window, eating his way through pine beaded-board paneling and destroying a steel kennel reinforced with steel mesh.

“Despite its effectiveness in reducing Norman’s anxiety and escape attempts, it did not leave him sedated or in any way impaired for other activities.”

Worthy causes

Andrew and Brenda Rambin Adams, of Cut Off, tell of a fund set up to help the family of their grandson Sgt. Andy Adams.

Andy is stationed at Buckley Air Force Base in Aurora, Colo., after serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. His wife, Ashley, is a U.S. Army veteran.

Andrew and Brenda describe Ashley’s rough year:

“She became pregnant in February, and they found out in March they were expecting quadruplets. In mid-July, while in the hospital for extensive bed rest, she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. She had surgery Sept. 17 removing her thyroid gland and lymph nodes.”

An Adams Family Benefit Fund has been set up at the Navy Federal Credit Union, 1125 S. Tower Road, Aurora, CO 80017. Call [phone] or go to http://www.navyfederal.org.

Dead reckoning

After I mentioned that Oct. 30 is Create a Great Funeral Day, I heard from Danny Hogan:

“I work for Rabenhorst Funeral Home, and we think that EVERY day is Create a Great Funeral Day.”

Selective hearing

Sarah Stravinska, of Chestnut, says, “I believe that when a spoon cuts through ice cream it emits a high-pitched squeal, audible only to dogs.

“One minute the dogs and cat were piled around the bed with me. The next minute the dogs were gone.

“They appeared in the kitchen, where husband Pete was quietly trying to fix a midnight treat.

“Cat stayed put.”

Write Smiley at [e-mail]. He can also be reached by fax at [phone] or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.