'The Oogieloves'' big adventure bombs

"The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure" could possibly be the worst children's movie ever produced. This nauseating attempt to create a pre-school movie for the big screen has high hopes, but ends up a complete and utter flop.

The first mistake was making an 88-minute movie that seems to be directed at children under the age of five. Although other films have captured the attention of little ones from start to finish ("Finding Nemo" and "Cars"), this second-rate production has the opposite effect.

As the theater darkened, all the kids in the room quieted down in anticipation of what would happen next. Unfortunately, the moment the Oogieloves danced across the screen, all interest was lost. These Oogielove characters were not very likable, and although they appear simple enough, they used quite complex language for the intended audience. When they tried to be interactive and get the children out of their seats, the kids remained seated and every parent knew that all hope was lost for the Oogieloves.

The adults in the theater may chuckle when notable characters from their past appear on screen. However, Cary Elwes, of "Princess Bride" and "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" fame played a "wobbly" character whose humor didn't catch on with the children, and Christopher Lloyd ("Back to the Future") was probably the most enjoyable character for adults, but the kids seemed almost scared of him. Then, Toni Braxton decided to sing an obnoxious and inappropriately sexy ballad about her allergies.

Even though "The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure" is horrible and extremely hard to sit through, maybe there's a good lesson at the end for the children, right? Wrong. The only dialogue that even comes close to a moral is when the balloons say that love is stronger than anything. Other dialogue includes telling the children to "stick your fingers in your ears and dance around in circles," and that "trees are for kids, not fish."

All in all, if your child is begging you to take him to see "The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure," be sure to pack something to help consume your time. Better yet, bring two because your child will probably need some form of entertainment as well.

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