Tailgate commissioner speaks

Why being the Commissioner of Tailgating is better than being commissioner of a professional sport league:

“We don’t have a problem with steroids for bulking up. We do everything naturally. Every big person in the parking lot has gotten there out of pure dedication and pure hard work. We see no shortcuts to this.”

Why tailgating is the “perfect American neighborhood”:

“You are not judged by the color of your skin or your ethnic group. You’re not judged by what car you drive or how much money you have. You’re judged by one criterion, and that’s what color jersey you have on.”

“We sometimes forget that sports bring us all together, and that includes ages. It is the only thing we allow children to have a voice in. We’re not going to listen to children talk to and lecture us about religion, lecture us about politics. But we will listen to an 8-year-old about who should be starting guard in our fantasy league. “In this thing that we call the tailgate, we really see the best of the country. As I travel, I see we have more in common with each other than we have differences. People in charge of groups want to exploit differences to get more people in their group, but basically we’re all the same in this country, and probably international people, except for the people who think that football is soccer, and we have to talk to them a little bit more.”

Why he loves games at military academies:

“The fans realize it’s just a game, it’s a diversion. Essentially, these young men on the field are going to fight bigger battles in their life. When you hear ‘The Star Spangled Banner,’ it is the national anthem. It is not the song before a football game, but it is something everybody has a vested interest in. We all do in any stadium, but we sometimes, I think, forget about that, unfortunately.”

Tips for tailgaters:

“Sometimes, we have to be more conscious of designated drivers. Especially in college, I always like to tell students the brewery isn’t going out of business tomorrow. They don’t have to drink everything today. There will be beer tomorrow.

“I also urge every group to have a designated griller. There are sometimes you see billowing smoke where it shouldn’t be, and that’s a very bad thing.”

“If you walk around, you get to see an incredible amount. If you’re at LSU in the car parking lot and didn’t walk over to the RV lot, it’s a whole different world.”

The Grove at the University of Mississippi:

“I describe the Grove as where Scarlett O’Hara meets the parking lot, and Scarlett raising her hands in defiance to the heavens, ‘As God is my witness, I will never go hungry again,’ and somebody calls, ‘Of course not, Scarlett, come over here. I’ve got some fried chicken and fried fish.’ It’s that Southern hospitality at its finest.”