Smiley: Bad jokes live on

(Smiley is winding up his Well-Deserved Vacation in Back Brusly. In the meantime, he offers these old tales:)

Fighting words

Mel Prust tells about the time Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were recounting their World War II experiences:

Boudreaux said, “I fought with Gen. Bradley, Gen. Patton and Gen. Eisenhower.”

Thibodeaux commented, “Man, it don’t look like you could get along with NOBODY!”

Panic mode

L.J. Stark recalls some economic terms that fit today’s situation perfectly:

“A recession is when your neighbor is laid off; a depression is when you’re laid off; a panic is when your wife is laid off.”

Obviously fictional

Shirley Fleniken tells of the man found passed out on his front porch.

When the paramedics revived him, they asked what had caused him to faint.

“It was enough to make anybody faint,” he said. “My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawnmower!”

Hamming it up

John Allphin offers this tale of discrimination:

A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food.”

Meeting his Waterloo

Tom Adams offers this variation on our current rash of bar stories:

A guy walks into a bar just as a customer says, “Give me another Waterloo,” and receives from the bartender a drink in a tall, frosty glass.

Always willing to try a new drink, the newcomer says, “Give me a Waterloo.”

When he tastes his drink he cries, “Hey, this is just water!”

The other customer says to him, “Sure it is.”

And turning to the bartender, he says, “Isn’t that right, Lou?”

Enhanced baptism

Pierre Boudreaux, of Bayou Self, said, “Last Sunday our preacher delivered a sermon on the evils of drinking.

“He told us we should throw all our alcoholic beverages into the water.

“He then announced the closing hymn: ‘Shall We Gather At The River.’ ”

Attention-getter

Sarah Stravinska, of Lafayette, came across this highway sign outside a small town:

“Drive carefully — We have two cemeteries, no hospital.”

What punch line?

Emily Corie presents the ultimate “walks into a bar” story:

A priest, a rabbi, a preacher, a dill pickle, a centipede, a duck, an Italian, a Cajun and a redneck walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “Hey, what is this … some kind of a joke?”

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.