Smiley: Some old stuff

By smiley anders

(While Smiley is on his Well-Deserved Vacation, he hopes you enjoy tales from past columns, especially the bar jokes:)

Thought for the Day

From Marie Deer: “Why did God create man before woman?

Because you’re always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.”

Question of the Week

A landscaping etiquette inquiry from Robby Zeringue:

“If I don’t own one of those high-decibel leaf blowers, can I just rake the leaves out into the street instead of bagging them?”

It quacked me up!

From Richard Guidry, of Zachary: “A duck walks into a bar and orders a shot of tequila.

“The bartender pours the drink and says, ‘That’ll be $2.’

“The duck says, ‘Just put it on my bill.’”

Odd couple

From Chet Siemion, of Denham Springs: “A guy walks into a bar, takes a stool, orders a drink, then takes his hat off and sets it on the bar.

“The bartender looks up and sees, growing out of the top of the guy’s head, a duck.

“ ‘How in the world did that happen?’ gasps the bartender.

“And the duck says, ‘Well, it all started with a wart on my behind …’ ”

Wooden you know it?

I knew my bar jokes would resurrect this old one.

Dale J. Landry was the first of many to offer it:

“A termite walks into a bar and asks, ‘Is the bar tender here?’ ”

Then there’s the less well-known sequel:

A beaver walks into a bar and says, “The termite sent me.”

Bad to the bone

From Perry Brandao: “A skeleton walks into a bar and the bartender asks, ‘What’ll you have?’

“The skeleton replies, ‘A beer — and a mop.’”

Collision course

The contributor of this item is anonymous, for some reason:

“Two men walked into a bar.

“You would think the second one would have ducked.”

Stop the madness!

Continuing our series on bar jokes, despite the public outcry:

From John Logerot Jr.:

“A grasshopper walks into a bar.

“The bartender says, ‘Welcome to O’Malley’s. Did you know that we have a drink named after you?’

“Amazed, the grasshopper asks, ‘You have a drink named Fred?’ ”

Weighty topic

Linda Champion says, “My kindergartners at Gonzales Primary were reciting their favorite nursery rhymes when Jana told us hers:

“ ‘Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her curves away.’

“I wonder if it was fast food!”

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com.