Smiley Anders for Jan. 14, 2013

By smiley anders

“Here’s a win-win,” says T-Bob Taylor, a Louisiana native now living in Florida. “Here’s how we can help both states.”

He explains, “Florida needs gator trappers. Seriously.

“The Florida Wildlife Commission’s Panama City office has put out the word they need at least one trapper.”

Seems alligators are encroaching on human territory, and plans are to dispatch trappers to remove gators that became a nuisance or a danger to residents.

T-Bob hopes Louisiana trappers respond. He says you can tell our trappers because they start the hunt by making a roux.

‘Cats Are Supermodels’

That’s the title of a funny little book about our furry friends by Stu Bykofsky, columnist for the Philadelphia Daily News and a reluctant cat person.

Stu tells how he acquired Ashes, a black male kitten, from the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals to please a girlfriend, and wound up with the former but not the latter.

I’ve known Stu a long time, and never figured him for a warm and fuzzy guy.

This book proves he’s not …

He says, “Cats are like high-fashion supermodels — beautiful, sleek, vain, self-centered, moody, usually sleepy, always hungry, but rarely willing to eat what’s put before them.”

He tells women who own cats, “Unlike a dog, which exists to defend and befriend its mistress, a cat … has no such ambitions … Protecting anything but itself is a concept as foreign to a cat as the Higgs boson particle. You’ve heard of service dogs. Have you ever heard of service cats? Case closed.”

He adds, “If the underlying question is why a woman would want to live with an animal that is self-centered, uncommunicative, lethargic, forgetful and motivated only by treats, the answer is self-evident.

“She is training to live with a man.”

Since Stu bought MY book, I suppose I should tell you how to get HIS book:

Send $12 to Stu-niversity Press, Suite 2804, 1326 Spruce St., Philadelphia, PA 19107.

Fans sound off

Our mention of pet peeves by football fans watching on TV brought this response from John Bliss Camp:

“The most overused phrase is when a pass receiver drops a pass, or the quarterback overthrows an open man. ‘He’s got to make that play.’”

And Algie Petrere tells of this broadcasting peeve:

“At college games, they used to show the bands at halftime.

“The bands work just as hard as the football team getting ready for the game, and yet they show them for one or two minutes.

“The rest of the time they’re showing us what we just watched.

“Why can’t they show the bands, and they would still have time to show the major highlights. (Can you tell I had children in the band?)”

Cookie season

What a great time of year for food: crawfish, king cakes — and Girl Scout cookies:

On Friday, orders can be taken for eight varieties of cookies: Thin Mints, Samoas, Trefoils, Tagalongs, Do-Si-Dos, Dulce de Leche, Thank You Berry Munch and Savannah Smiles, at $4 per box.

They’ll be sold in booths around south Louisiana March 1-17. You can find locations and times online through the Cookie Locator mobile app from the iTunes store.

For more information, call (225) 927-8946 or visit http://www.gsle.org.

Aroma therapy

Robby Zeringue continues our discussion of Baton Rouge’s Greatest Smells:

“In my early career working at Gulf States Utilities on Choctaw Drive, I would ride my bicycle to work on pretty days.

“I can still smell the aromas that permeated the air every morning.

“As soon as I would pass Plank Road, the Cherry’s Potato Chip factory would take hold of my senses.

“As soon as it was behind me, I could start smelling the Morning Treat Coffee plant roasting beans.

“And as I turned into our parking lot, the Holsum Bread bakery would almost knock me over with the wonderful scent of fresh baked bread.

“I looked forward to lunch for the rest of the morning.”

Special People Dept.

Mistaken identity

Dr. George S. Bourgeois, of Opelousas, says, “A couple of days ago Jeanette came home with this huge bottle of Tabasco.

“I said, ‘Lord, darling, we’ll have enough Tabasco to last us the rest of our lives, and then some to pass on to our children and grandchildren.

“She then informed me that it was Bloody Mary mix.”

Idle hands

Carl Spillman imagines this exchange:

“The federal government must stop handing out money to people who refuse to do meaningful work!”

“But, Senator, wouldn’t that eliminate senatorial and congressional salaries?”

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.