Smiley Anders for Dec. 11, 2012

By smiley anders

Chuck Perrodin sends an item from the current Emergency Management magazine with the notation, “Finally, some good news for the apocalypse.”

Headlined “Post-disaster beer? Yes, please!” it read:

“A recently uncovered 1957 study says that beer (and other commercially packaged beverages) will be safe to drink after a nuclear explosion.”

It goes on to say that the Atomic Energy Commission had exploded two bombs at a Nevada test site “with bottles and cans placed around ground zero, with the closest containers located less than a quarter mile away.

“The surviving bottles were checked for radiation, and while the bottles near ground zero were radioactive, their contents weren’t …”

The item concludes the sentence with this ominous “but”:

“… but the flavor was altered.”

Oh, great! It’s not enough that we get nuked, we wind up with skunky beer too …

That other Cliff

George Lane, who obviously has too much time on his hands, says after hearing politicians from both sides of the aisle exclaim how frightening the so-called “fiscal cliff” will be, he thought of the original “Fiscal Cliff,” the rotund, beer-swilling accountant on “Cheers.”

Says George, “Maybe this fiscal cliff would not be so frightening if everybody knew their neighbors’ names.”

Warm thoughts

P.J. Bourgeois says, “Here in Colorado Springs, where I am currently exiled, I was watching the news on television, and they were talking about the lighting of a big Christmas tree downtown.

“The woman giving the report said, ‘It is nice and cold tonight.’

“To me, ‘nice and cold’ is an oxymoron.”

The flower giver

Heather R. Starrett says, “My son, Sean Michael Kattner, passed away in Carmel, Ind., in February, and was buried at Resthaven Gardens of Memory here in Baton Rouge.

“A few weeks or so ago, my mother-in-law called to say that someone had left a beautiful spray of silk flowers on the grave (no card).

“Unfortunately, due to automobile accident injuries, I have been unable to visit his grave to see them.

“The purpose of this is to say ‘Thank you’ to the person who anonymously left flowers on my son’s grave.

“Additionally, I ask this person to contact me (I’m in the book) so that we might share our memories of Sean.

“This would help me to remember his life more than his death, something I am still having great difficulty doing.”

Happy returns

Kathy Couvillion thanks the folks at George’s on George O’Neal Lane:

“I so enjoyed my oyster po-boy there that I got distracted and left my iPhone on the table. The staff found it and held on to it until I could make my way to the restaurant and retrieve it.”

Worthy causes

Proceeds go to WCRC’s residential treatment program, assisting women with mental illness achieve self-sufficiency. Contact Kaitlin Gibbens at (225) 928-1400 or kgibbens@upliftd.org.

The winner will be drawn Wednesday.

Call Peggy Johnson at (337) 564-2987 or go to peggy.johnson@evergreenls.org.

Special People Dept.

Fair warning

Marvin Borgmeyer says, “While traveling, I saw this sign at a zoo: ‘Please be safe. Do not stand, sit, climb or lean on zoo fences. If you fall, animals could eat you and that might make them sick. Thank you.’”

Inquiring Minds Dept.

Harold Mayeux says, “I saw on the news where dogs are actually being taught how to drive cars.

“I wonder if they will also teach them how to text while driving?”

Fowl remark

Mike Gauthier is concerned about a recent Advocate article titled “Turkey Oil Recycled Into Diesel.”

It’s about a businessman collecting the oil used to fry turkeys so it can be processed into fuel to run vehicles:

“While I understand fully the ultimate goal of reducing the nation’s carbon footprint, I am interested in finding out if engines powered by turkey oil will gobble up more fuel.”

Hell of a note

Sissy Crapanzano passes along this observation:

“Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends.

“What must hell be like? Home videos of the same reunion?”

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.