Smiley: Wise beyond his years

Judy S. Collins tells of an especially precocious child:

“Beau Collins, 8 years old, talking about his 1-year-old brother, said, ‘Mom, James is trying to get your coffee, but I told him you don’t want to know what her day would be like without that.’”

Historic spot?

Gloria Plauche says, “While visiting New Orleans with my family recently, my daughter, now living in Montana, mentioned that she would like to go to Jackson Square.

“Her 9-year-old (who had learned about that part of town and its Moonwalk), said, ‘Yes, that’s where Michael Jackson was raised.’”

Horticulture lesson

“MawMaw Betty,” of French Settlement, says, “Recently, granddaughter Taylor and I were discussing making a garden. I told her homegrown vegetables and fruit were so much better than the stuff we buy in the stores.

“Buying groceries at Wal-Mart, I tasted a grape before buying them, and told her I always taste them to see if they are sweet.

“She saw some fresh cherries and asked if we could buy them, because she loves cherries.

“I told her that they are not the same as the ones in the jar, so she better taste them first.

“She popped one in her mouth and started eating it. She quickly let me know they were bad, because the one she ate had a ‘rock’ in it.

“I had to explain that it was the cherry stone. Don’t think we will be planting those in our garden.”

Turn about

“Chick” says, “A few days ago, my wife and I stopped at our favorite Frostop restaurant in Picayune, Mississippi, for our normal lunch.

“When I approached the counter the owner says, ‘Aren’t you the man who has treated military customers occasionally in our restaurant?’

“I answered, ‘Yes I am.’

“He then says, ‘Well, it is our turn to treat you and your wife to lunch this time.’

“Proves there are great folks in Picayune.”

Sign language

Mic Clary tells of seeing this sign at a wings joint in Pensacola, Florida:

EAT RIGHT

STAY FIT

DIE ANYWAYS

The next day the sign read:

MY BOSS TOLD

ME TO CHANGE IT.

SO I DID.

Worthy causes

Mike Nola says the Barefoot Pedals Foundation has its third annual fundraiser on Friday, July 18, at the Varsity Theater.

“Nolapalooza3” will have three bands performing, with the doors opening at 8 p.m. Tickets can be purchased at the door or at www.barefootpedalsfoundation.org.

The foundation was set up to honor the legacy of the late Jeff Nola, a teacher and campus minister at Catholic High.

Her heroes

Patricia Murphy-Henry is singing the praises of two members of the Baton Rouge Police Department these days.

She was driving to Zachary to see her cardiologist when she had a blowout on Plank Road near the Coca-Cola plant.

Her son William, who has spina bifida, was in the car with her, and neither of them could handle changing the tire.

She says, “I called the police, and the dispatcher, Ramona Palmer, was wonderful.

“She contacted Cpl. Mike Doerfler, who came out to help us, and she stayed on the line until he got us back on the road.”

Patricia says she’s thankful that Ramona and Mike were there to help in her time of need.

This is bad

A reader who wishes to be anonymous, for obvious reasons, tells this one:

A man had a faithful dog. As a treat, the man would frequently feed the dog small, sweet, fruit-flavored cereal.

“Eventually the dog died, and after an appropriate period the man got a new puppy.

“He decided that maybe the puppy liked the sugary treats, so he pulled out the old box and offered a piece of cereal to the pup.

“Unfortunately, the cereal had grown stale, and the puppy rejected the treat.

“It just goes to show, you can’t feed a new dog old Trix.”

This is worse

Another anonymous reader, for equally obvious reasons, offers this tale:

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near Boston recently, and the cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

By analyzing the various paint residues on the birds’ beak and claws, it was determined that 98 percent of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2 percent were killed by car impact.

MTA then hired an ornithological behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

He quickly found the cause:

When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

He discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah,” not a single one could shout “Truck.”

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.