Smiley: Blasts from the Past

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(While Smiley is on his Well-Deserved Vacation, here are some items from past columns he enjoyed:)

Never say die

Irma Quick, of Opelousas, noticed a headline on Ann Landers’ column in the local paper:

“Dad dating after death.”

Says Irma, “Amazing! He must be a Cajun!”

New math

Shirley Fleniken says when the math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention, she called on him and asked, “What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?”

Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!”

Sticky business

David Norwood departs from his usual mode of communication, devilishly clever drawings, to enter our Worst Poem Contest:

“With graffiti out to their extremities,

with no eraser or any remedies,

beware the man with the tattoo;

for if he did that to HIMSELF…

think what he might do to YOU.”

Verse gets worse

In our Bad Poem Contest, Vernon Yielding offers:

“Some people’s minds must not compute,

because, whether they shout or play the flute,

when the car ads start, I HIT THE MUTE!”

Lenny P. Wright, of Springfield, titles this “Wreck:”

“Slip.

Slam.

Bim.

Bam.

Pursuit.

Lawsuit.”

Thought for the Day

From Pat, of Ponchatoula:

“If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, you can bet the water bill is higher.”

Back to normal

Frank Brocato tells of the last time he was sick:

“I was delighted to hear my wife ask the doctor when could I sit up.

“After a short pause she added, ‘And take advice …’ ”

Gotcha!

Nincy N. Slocum got a kick out of this one. Her spouse was less amused:

“There are 15 million Americans who have things that are old, funny-looking, don’t work and are only kept for sentimental purposes.

“Some of these are called antiques — and the rest are called husbands.”

Twilight Zone

When Gay called a business in Oklahoma, the receptionist told her the person she needed to reach wouldn’t be back in the office until 1 p.m.

“Are we in the same time zone?” Gay asked. “It’s 10 to 1 here.”

“We must be in a different time zone,” said the receptionist. “Here it’s 5 to 1.”

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.