Smiley: Everyone isn’t a fan

Our discussion of dressing up for LSU football games in the past brought back this memory: In the ’70s I invited a young lady to an LSU game.

She said her friends had advised her about attire, and she was looking forward to buying a new outfit for the game.

I presented her with the obligatory corsage to go on her fall suit, and we set out.

As we settled into our seats in Tiger Stadium, I became aware of the fact that she had not only never attended an LSU game, but had never viewed a football game of ANY kind.

She was quiet during the first half, munching peanuts and observing the mayhem below.

At halftime, she stood up, brushed off the peanut shells, and said, “Well, that was
fun …”

The stricken look on her face when I told her the game was only half over was truly pitiful to behold.

If I had been more compassionate I would have escorted her from the stadium right then and there.

But hey, it was a great game. …

Wonder whatever became of her. …

No tick, no tock

This “Sonnet for Broken Clocks” is from Sybil K. Boseman, of New Orleans, to her daughter, who has “many lovely clocks” that don’t work:

“Clocks that pose for beauty

And not for telling time

Do their daily duty

On walls that line.

Many lovely places

Sending no notifying chimes

But staring with frozen faces

Of still perpetual mimes.

Since one in twelve

Their hands correctly sign

There’s no need to further delve

Into their possible crime.

For beautiful clocks, even sans telling time

Are ever, so ever, strangely sublime.”

Head games

“Art the Outlaw” (actually a distinguished gentleman and a cousin of mine, but that’s another story) adds to our collection of odd business names with this note, which leads me into still another story:

“When Evelyn and I lived on Hilton Head Island, S.C., several years ago, we took day trips on the mainland in search of unusual eateries.

“On a small two-lane road outside Bluffton, S.C., there was a diner named Squat ‘n’ Gobble, advertising ‘Great Southern Fried Chicken.’ It had about 12 small, low stools and a counter.”

Strangely enough, Art, I am the proud owner of a Squat ‘n’ Gobble cap, a gift from friends and Spanish Town neighbors Shelley Carter and Maybeth Hahn.

Enchanted by “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil,” they set off to visit Savannah, Ga., to see sites in the book.

When they came across Squat ‘n’ Gobble, they bought me a cap from that establishment. I value it so much that I only wear it inside the house. …

Creep of the Week

Residents of Woodbrook Drive tell whoever’s been taking their Advocates that the constabulary has been alerted, and that both theft and trespassing charges are in that miscreant’s future.

Worthy causes

The Arthritis Association of Louisiana is holding an LSU season football tickets raffle.

Raffle tickets are $20 with a chance at four seats at every home game.

The drawing is Aug. 31; the winner need not be present.

Raffle tickets can be ordered at, or by calling (225) 761-8230.

Special People Dept.

On Thursday Irma Gene and Willard Tullier, of Brusly, celebrate their 60th anniversary.

Dickie and Clara Milano celebrate 60 years of marriage Thursday.

Eugene and Alice Robert celebrate their 54th anniversary Thursday.

On Thursday Loretta and Alex Theriot Jr. celebrate their 54th anniversary.

Charmine and Sherwood Dunnam, of Denham Springs, celebrate their 50th anniversary Thursday.

The cookie crumbles

“My family has never accused me of being a good cook,” says Linda Dalferes.

“When grandson Charles was about 3, I was baby-sitting and we made cookies.

“As soon as his mama returned he ran to her saying excitedly, ‘Mama, Mama — Mimi made cookies, and dey was bwown and didn’t bwend!’ ”

Funny business(es)

Tom Hertwig, of Gonzales, says, “To add to your collection of novel names and tacky titles, I recall a bookstore in Anchorage, Alaska, a city ravaged by the 1964 earthquake and resulting tsunami, called ‘The Title Wave.’ ”

Roy Miller says, “When I worked for a newspaper in Maryland many years ago, there was a root beer establishment nearby called ‘Someplace Else,’ giving a pretty specific meaning to the expression ‘Let’s go to someplace else.’ ”

Michael McNeese, of Prairieville, says, “Outside of Knoxville, Tenn., was a sign with an offer no customer ever refused — ‘Tattoos while you wait.’ ”

Gail Stephenson says, “We were driving through Victoria, Texas, when a gigantic sign that said ‘Shop Naked and Save’ caught our eye. What a disappointment — it turned out to be an unfinished furniture store.”

Write Smiley at Smiley@the He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.