Smiley: A name to dye for

Gerald Wray, of Pride, says, “Channeling my inner Andy Rooney of ‘60 Minutes’ fame: ‘Have you ever noticed the funny names people give their businesses?’

“I travel a lot throughout Louisiana, so there are no shortage of crazy names I have seen on businesses.

“But the one I saw on a hair salon in Columbia probably rates as one of the best/worst.

“The hair salon’s name: ‘Curl Up and Dye.’

“Just wondering what other crazy names your readers have seen out there.”

Hog wild

Dining at Cochon, Donald Link’s popular pork-centric restaurant in New Orleans’ warehouse district, I thought about how the menu would please my dad, who once had his office a few blocks away.

Smiley Sr. sold pork for the meat packer Swift & Co., and being a short, round guy, he acquired the nickname “The Little Hog.”

He was proud of that title, and enjoyed collecting figurines of the noble swine. He even had a barbecue grill shaped like a pig.

As I worked my way through the pork dishes, I declined only one item — pork cheeks.

I didn’t ask the server about it because I didn’t want to appear ignorant.

So I was left to wonder about whether the cheeks come from the north end or the south end of the pig …

Make Dad’s day

Well, I’m not really sure it would make his day, but for Father’s Day he MIGHT appreciate a copy of my book, “Smiley: A Laughing Matter.” I’ll be signing them from 9 a.m. to noon at Main Street Market, so drop by and pick up one for old Dad; and old Granddad too.

Not for internal use

I’m pleased that pharmacists, who are very busy people, find time to read this column:

After reader Gerard F. Gaudin’s told of his mom drinking a small quantity of aromatic spirits of ammonia in water, I heard from pharmacist Gary McGarity:

“This product is an over-the-counter respiratory stimulant. Chemically, it consists primarily of ammonium carbonate, strong ammonia solution and various aromatic oils dissolved in ethanol (about 45 percent).”

He says it’s “recommended for use by inhalation of the vapor (smelling salts) as required,” but he advises against drinking it, even well diluted with water:

“Since ammonia is noxious to the lungs and brain, its presence stimulates the respiratory rate and the level of alertness.”

Gary adds, “Smiley, who gets my bill; you or Mr. Gaudin?”

Pharmacists have a great sense of humor, don’t they?

Park with courtesy

Nancy LeBlanc says, “Please remind your readers that even if they have a handicapped tag, it is illegal to park on the blue diagonal lines that are reserved for ramps and wheelchair lifts.

“We were unable to get our daughter into our van at the Denham Springs Wal-Mart due to this happening.

“When the driver was called to the parking lot, she immediately parked across another sets of stripes, even though we offered her our space.”

Local hero

Plaquemine Mayor Mark A. “Tony” Gulotta has proclaimed Thursday “Joseph J. Rockforte Day,” to honor Joe, who was with U.S. forces in World War II involved in the D-Day landing in Normandy on June 6, 1944.

Friends of the Plaquemine Lock host a “meet and greet” for Joe at the Plaquemine Lock State Historic Site from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m. Thursday.

Special People Dept.

John D. Cantey celebrates his 92nd birthday Thursday.

On Thursday Earl and Lila Garrison celebrate 70 years of marriage.

Vic and Marie Zito celebrate 65 years of marriage Thursday.

Don and Mary Gascon, of Port Allen, celebrate their 60th anniversary Thursday.

On Thursday Donnie D. and Gatis Eve Templet Mire celebrate 60 years of marriage.

Performance art?

Donna Lou and Ray Gremillion, of Zachary, received this text message from daughter Jennifer Bellard and her 3-year-old son, Beaux Jude, who live in Brazoria, Texas:

“Beaux: ‘Mommy, you can massage my legs? They hurt.’

“Jen: ‘What happened, Bear Cub? Why ya legs hurt?’

“Beaux: ‘I did a lot of work at school today!’

“Jen: ‘What kinda work you did, baby?’

“Beaux: ‘ART WORK!’ ”

Failure to communicate

Charlene Esposito reminds us that back in the ’60s and ’70s “all our children wore flip-flops, then known as ‘thongs’ in the summer.”

Today, of course “thongs” refers to something else entirely.

Says Charlene, “My friend Donald Brossette, who really likes a bargain, called his daughter Chantelle and told her he bought Judy (his fiancée) and himself some thongs real cheap. Matching pairs, in fact!

“After a pause she said, ‘You’re kidding, huh?’

“He said ‘No, we like to wear them around the house!’

“Imagine his 30-something daughter picturing her father and fiancée, in their 50s and 60s, in their new, cheap, matching thongs. PRICELESS!”

Write Smiley at He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.