(While I’m on my Well-Deserved Vacation, I’m leaving some items submitted earlier by longtime contributor Algie Petrere. They may not be original, but I laughed at them. Hope you enjoy them too:)
That warm feeling
This story has been around a long time. I have a friend, Dean Cummings, who used to tell this story when he was a little boy.
He’s now grown with children of his own. I guess some stories just don’t go away:
Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long ice fishing.
One has been having no luck at all, while the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice.
The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secret is.
“Mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm,” is the reply.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“Mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm,” the successful fisherman repeats.
“I’m sorry, I still didn’t understand you.”
The man spits something into his hand and says very clearly,
“You’ve got to keep your worms warm.”
Speaking of fish
A man took his son fishing one day. After a few hours in the boat with not much to do, the son started asking his father some questions.
“How does the boat float?” he asked.
The man thought about the question for a moment, then said, “I don’t really know, son.”
“Well, how do fish breath underwater?”
The man scratched his head. “I guess I don’t know the answer to that one either.”
“Why is the sky blue?” the boy persisted.
The father replied, “I really don’t know, son.”
The boy started to worry that his father was getting upset at all the questions.
“Do you mind me asking questions, Dad?”
His father immediately reassured him, “No, of course not, son! If you don’t ask questions, you’ll never learn anything!”
It’s a law
These are “Murphy’s Laws for Parents:”
1. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.
2. Leakproof thermoses — will.
3. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
4. The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over whose day it is to take out the trash ends.
5. The shirt your child must wear today will be the only one that needs to be washed or mended.
6. Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing.
7. The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next 10 seconds, will be found in the last place you look.
8. Sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician enters the treatment room.
9. Refrigerated items used daily will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator.
10. Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers.
Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.