Smiley Anders for Nov. 23, 2012

I’m a day late running this “Thanksgiving forecast” Algie Petrere sent over, but since we’re still in recovery mode from the holiday, it seems appropriate:

“Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190 F.

“The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.

“During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.

“A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34 F in the refrigerator.

“Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day.

“We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.”

Not high on the Hogs

It’s something of an understatement to say Lauren Meriwether Stack is excited about the LSU-Arkansas game:

“This Friday’s game is the first LSU game I‘ve attended since graduating in ’82.

“I live among some rabid Hog fans here in Arkansas, and I am so looking forward to Les Miles and his fearsome Tigers making bacon!

“My hair will be dyed purple, LSU tattoos on my face, and I will be dressed head to toe in purple and gold.

“You might hear me screaming and cheering all the way in Baton Rouge.”

(Your enthusiasm is impressive, Lauren — but I sincerely hope those are temporary tattoos. Even Tiger fans have limits …)

Only in Louisiana?

Anne Butler, of St. Francisville, says, “I wonder if, in other parts of the country, obituaries customarily include mention of the football teams so enthusiastically supported by the deceased. I doubt it!”

Helping hand

This is the kind of letter I love to receive:

“Saturday in the Wal-Mart parking lot I had settled my 90-year-old husband and his walker (he’s recovering from heart surgery) into the car and opened the trunk to unload the buggy of groceries.

“Just then a young man walked by and asked, ‘Need some help?’

“I said yes, and he unloaded all the bags of groceries into the trunk, closed it and acted as if I had done HIM a favor!

“His name was Umbehagan, and if anyone out there knows him, please tell that Good Samaritan this 87-year-old lady certainly appreciates his kind deed. My God bless him!”

Grammar rant

That’s how Melva Cavanaugh describes this observation:

“Since you know everything, please tell me when ‘gift’ became a verb instead of a noun?

“I hear it routinely used instead of ‘give.’

“It is even used in a past-tense and gerund form — ‘gifted’ and ‘gifting.’

“Is this just Louisiana ignorance, or did somebody change the rules of basic grammar when I wasn’t looking?”

(I think it sounds a bit pretentious — but my dictionary says “gift” can be used as a verb, to mean “to present a gift.”)

Take the tour

George Bishop, of New Orleans, says the Brother Martin High School Ladies of the Shield Holiday Home Tour is from noon to 3 p.m. on Dec. 1.

“Four homes in the Place Ponchartrain and Woodlake neighborhoods will be beautifully decorated for Christmas,” he says.

A “Patron Party” precedes the tour.

Contact the Brother Martin office at (504) 284-6700 or go to http://www.brothermartin.com.

Special People Dept.

Sophie Paine, of Lane Nursing Home in Zachary, celebrates her 95th birthday Saturday.

Rose Malarcher celebrates her 95th birthday Sunday.

John Richard, of Donaldsonville, a World War II veteran, celebrates his 90th birthday Sunday.

Bob and Mary Jane Dale, of Hammond, celebrate 62 years of marriage Friday.

On Saturday, Joe and Yvonne Olinde celebrate their 56th anniversary.

A brave husband

Marvin Borgmeyer offers this budget history:

“When I was first married, I was told I needed a budget, and to keep track of my expenses.

“I used the usual categories: rent, groceries, utilities, clothes, donations and, of course, ‘miscellaneous.’

“At first I included my wife’s haircuts and cosmetics under ‘miscellaneous.’

“As time went on, these expenses seemed to grow, so I started to put them under the ‘maintenance’ category.

“Now, as they have continued to grow, I have started to put them under the ‘repair’ category! Don’t you agree?”

(I not only don’t agree, I’m telling Mrs. Anders I’ve never even met you …)

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.