Smiley Anders for Oct. 31, 2012

Dale Ulkins’ list of suggestions for Halloween etiquette points out many of the things that have gone wrong with this holiday, causing some of us to have a “Bah! Humbug!” attitude about it.

Here’s what Dale suggests:

1. “When your children come to our porch, they should be taught to say ‘Trick or Treat.’ When they receive the treat, their next response should be ‘Thank you.’

2. “Have your children wear a costume of some sort. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. It’s kinda the point of the entire evening.

3. “If your child is 17 years old and 6 feet tall, you might want to suggest that he is too old to go trick-or-treating.

4. “It is tacky to wheel a 6-month-old child to my front door and ask for candy on their behalf. Really. I had children of my own. I know for a fact that 6-month-old children can’t eat Snickers bars. Mamas can. Instead, go to the store and buy your own damned candy.

5. “I’ve also had mothers come to the door for a sick child who couldn’t trick or treat. See rule No. 4.

6. “Tell the kids to come to the house only once. Each year, we have many kids returning for a second helping. Since they’re not wearing costumes, they are easy to spot.

7. “Most frighteningly, every year there are parents driving minivans and trucks filled with children. The children bail out of the slowly moving vehicles like paratroopers over Normandy. Parents, the children are not getting solid gold doubloons at each house. They are getting candy. If candy in this volume is so important, it is almost always half-price the day after Halloween. Go buy some instead of taking the chance of injuring a child.

“On second thought, after remembering all of the disappointment of the last few years, I think we’ll just turn the lights out and quit participating.”

Missing links

After I mentioned The Great Boudin War involving Lafayette, Evangeline and Avoyelles parishes, I heard from folks who said East Baton Rouge and Iberia
parishes should be in the mix:

Montie Mitchell says, “If any of your readers are looking for the world’s best boudin, they need to make a trip to Jerry Lee’s on Greenwell Springs Road in Baton Rouge.”

R. Paul Adams says, “The group of LSU track and field officials who get together for breakfast every Wednesday at Frank’s on Airline recommend Frank’s boudin as the best in Baton Rouge.”

But the most heartfelt, even poetic, endorsement comes from Lee McGee, of New Iberia:

“I hope you realize this boudin argument’s gonna get outta hand.

“But just so you know: there are not enough stars to rate the exceptional boudin from Ted Legnon’s Meat Market on Jefferson Terrace in New Iberia.

“The folks in N.I. also suggest that newcomers sample Ted’s crawfish boudin at their peril.

“Remember your first kiss, when you just knew you were never gonna miss a chance to do that again?”

Sweeping or riding?

Judy, who works part-time at a Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market, has noticed something unusual the past few days:

“Women shoppers are buying a lot of brooms — more than we usually sell. I see them sticking out of shopping carts all over the store.”

She figures either fall cleaning is about to begin — or something really weird is in store for us this Halloween evening…

Worthy causes

St. George firefighters are selling cool pink and blue T-shirts for $15 to promote breast cancer awareness and benefit Woman’s Hospital and the St. George Professional Fighters Association Benevolent Fund.

Order at [phone], drop by the offices at 14141 Airline Highway, Building 1, Suite H, or e-mail Victoria Frosch at [e-mail].

Special People Dept.

• Ruth Bourgeois celebrates her 94th birthday Wednesday by passing out treats to the ghosts and goblins with her great-grandchildren in Prairieville.
• Eliza Hawkins celebrated her 94th birthday Tuesday.

Monster sighting

George Lane seems a bit apprehensive:

“After seeing Alabama dismantle Mississippi State, watching the storm system move up the East Coast, and looking at Halloween coming up, LSU now has to prepare for ‘Frankenbama.’ ”

No news is good news

Gerald Knighton, of Slidell, says, “I never thought
anything could possibly
be good about a terrible storm.

“But there is a silver lining to Hurricane Sandy’s wind and water: It took the election news off the front page. Hallelujah!”

Rookie mistake

Nancy LeBlanc tells this Hurricane Sandy story to show that not everyone has our experience in hunkering down:

“My Lafayette-born niece now lives in New York City.

“She sent her Scottish fiancé out for supplies before the hurricane came.

“He came back with beer and frozen dinners!”

Write Smiley at [e-mail]. He can also be reached by fax at [phone] or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.