Smiley Anders for Oct. 17, 2012

Reasons to love our furry friends

Norma Routt, noting my mention of cats, came up with some cat-centric observations early Sunday morning when she turned off her alarm to get a little dozing time, only to find that the alarm had awakened her cat, who was ready for breakfast:

“While still in a mental fog, I thought up some helpful principles for living with a cat.

“Never feed a cat early in the morning, or you will be getting up when the cat is ready to eat, not when you want to get up.

“Never sleep with a cat, or (1) you will be jolted awake by searing cramps in the muscles of your legs, the cat’s favorite spot; (2) you will learn that the furry thing is more efficient at producing heat than a scientifically engineered heating pad and (3) you will awaken to searing pain of claws inserted into your flesh when you move your legs to ease the muscle cramps. (The cat does not like to be disturbed.)

“Never let the cat find out how cozy your lap is, or you will be contorting your body into awkward positions while reading the paper, shelling pecans, sewing, etc.

“Never let the cat find out it is as easy to climb your leg as a tree, or you will never again get away with ignoring the cat. (The cat likes attention on his schedule, not yours.)

“Never wear shorts; not even in hot weather. You’ll need to wear long pants to conceal the puncture wounds.”

Which reminds me

The night before Lady Katherine was to join me as an emcee at a Cat Haven benefit, our cat Shadow decided to climb into bed with her and curl around her head to sleep.

Lady K was very tired, so she only made a few half-hearted attempts to dislodge the cat before she dozed off.

Some time later, Shadow heard a neighborhood cat yowling at our front door, and jumped off the bed to confront the unwelcome visitor.

In the process, he dug his claws into Katherine’s nose.

That morning she had a long scratch across the bridge — which she was unable to cover with makeup for the Cat Haven event.

I described her situation as “the definition of irony.”

One brave Tiger

Still speaking of felines, here’s one from Harriet St. Amant:

“When I left the grocery store the other day, I saw a big black Chrysler 300 beside my car.

“This car was the twin of my husband’s, but I knew if he’d needed anything, he would have called me rather than come out himself.

“As I got closer, I noticed the car’s license plate, a personalized Alabama plate reading ‘LSUGRAD.’

“I wonder how popular he is with his neighbors back home.”

John’s softball team?

Brookie Allphin reminds me that Friday marked a year since the death of one of my favorite contributors, her dad, John Allphin.

She revealed one source of John’s sense of humor:

“He loved to brag about his ‘girls’ — nine beloved females who lived within 100 yards of him (his wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, five granddaughters and one great-granddaughter).

“His advice on how he managed all those women? ‘Remember, the two most important words a man can learn to say are, ‘Yes, dear.’ ”

Worthy causes

“Shopping for a Cure” from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Saturday at the Brusly High School Gym, 630 Frontage Road, supports the American Cancer Society and the teams of the West Baton Rouge Relay for Life.

Local vendors will be offering a variety of items just right for Christmas gifts.

Special People Dept.

• Elaine Fife, of Baton Rouge, celebrates her 93rd birthday Wednesday.
• Ernesto and Maria Céspedes celebrate their 66th anniversary Wednesday.
• On Wednesday, Valerie and Gerald Medine celebrate their 53rd anniversary.

Digging deep

“Bearded Friend” says a line we used recently, about the funeral home folks who are “the last ones to let you down,” goes back to the great old William Bendix “Life of Riley” radio shows in the ’40s and TV shows in the ’50s, where a regular character was Digby “Digger” O’Dell, the friendly undertaker.

Says BF, “I, of course, was but a child. …”

I was also a child, but I recall Digger’s line to Riley upon leaving: “Cheerio, I’d better be shoveling off.”

The dynamic duo

Larry Nicholas is concerned, and a bit alarmed:

“On Monday morning, I was reading your column, and then turned to Page 2B out of habit.

“Noticing that it was not on that page, I referred back to page 1B.

“After reading the rest of your column, I noticed that it was on the same page as Pat Shingleton’s weather report.

“I am not sure I can handle both of you on the same page.”

Admirable restraint

I think congratulations to me are in order.

I duly ran Larry Nicholas’ above item about the placement of my column without heading it “2B or not 2B.”

Maybe I’m putting aside my childish ways. …

Write Smiley at [e-mail]. He can also be reached by fax at [phone] or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.