Smiley Anders for Oct. 12, 2012

Lots of places are installing voice recognition software on their computer systems, enabling you to give the computer orders by talking to it.

This does have its pitfalls, however, as a physician was telling me the other day.

He was using his new voice recognition system to issue a recommendation to a patient with chest congestion.

He advised the patient to take Mucinex, a common over-the-counter medication.

But his computer heard it as “marijuana” instead.

The glitch was quickly caught and corrected before more patients could be so advised — avoiding a run on the nearby Taco Bell …

Coin that saying

I know, I said I was going to wind up our seminar on old sayings. I lied.

Here’s one from Pam Rice:

“It was a walk down memory lane reading some of the ‘old-time’ sayings by your readers.

“Several years back I think I created one of my own that might be useful to others.

“My stepdaughter, Amy, had this bad habit of asking several people, including me, our opinion of certain situations.

“She would receive the same response from all of us, then do the exact opposite, which usually didn’t turn out well.

“One day we were arguing about this ‘habit,’ and she thought she would get around me by reminding me how stubborn she could be.

“Exasperated, and without a second thought, I told her, ‘I appreciate people who are stubborn; I’m stubborn myself. But stubborn can turn to STUPID real quick.’ ”

Of cabbages and cows

After a reader expressed bewilderment about the old saying on “how the cow ate the cabbage,” we heard from bovine authority Gene Duke:

“Having suffered a bite by a cow, I qualify as an expert on how a cow eats.

“A cow only has bottom teeth, so when she eats cabbage or grass she moves her head forward, using her bottom teeth.

“I understand this was the root cause of the cattle/sheep range wars of the past.

“Since sheep have upper and lower teeth, they can starve cattle on short-grass pastures.”

(This was also the root cause of some John Wayne movies.)

Jam session

Cindy Morris wonders if offering “root beers” to road construction crews in southeast Baton Rouge would speed up their glacier-like pace.

On a more serious note, she says her 16-year-old daughter witnessed a hit-and-run on Coursey Boulevard stemming from the daily traffic jams.

She says closures of a bridge on O’Neal Lane south of South Harrell’s Ferry has all northbound traffic out of Shenandoah going through the Coursey/Jones Creek area:

“A red truck got impatient with the traffic and made a U-turn on Coursey near Albertson’s, hitting a car in the turn lane and then speeding off, leaving the woman with a dented fender standing perplexed in the road.

“Hundreds of teenage drivers are trying to get to and from school in this ridiculous traffic situation. Our five-minute drive to school has turned into a 20-to-45-minute lesson in patience.”

Worthy causes

The 26th annual Take Back the Night Candlelight Vigil and March will be held Sunday at LSU’s Memorial Tower, with the vigil at 6 p.m. and the mile march at 7 p.m. The effort to raise awareness of domestic and sexual violence is sponsored by the LSU Health and Wellness Center, the LSU Women’s Center, the Capital Area Family Violence Intervention Center and the Sexual Trauma Awareness & Response Center.

Contact Racheal Hebert at [phone] or [e-mail].

Special People Dept.

• On Saturday Martha Byrd, of Baton Rouge, celebrates her 95th birthday.
• Lt. Col. Don Louis Broussard, a World War II and Korean War veteran, celebrates his 93rd birthday Sunday.
• Elsie Vallet, of Baton Rouge, celebrates her 92nd birthday Saturday.
• Lt. Col. Phil and Corinne St.Amant, of Baton Rouge, celebrate their 72nd anniversary Friday.
• Harvey and Frances Davis, of Baker, celebrate their 69th anniversary Friday.
• Garland and Marilyn Landry, of Baton Rouge, celebrate their 67th anniversary Sunday.
• Jewel C. and Kitty Millicent Robertson, of Central, celebrate their 65th anniversary Saturday.

Mystery plate

Darrell Ourso says, “While driving in southeast Baton Rouge the other day, I was behind a red Mazda Miata with a personalized plate.

“It read ‘MRSHARP.’

“I could not see the driver to determine the person’s gender.

“Now I’m perplexed — is it Mr. Sharp or Mrs. Harp?”

Half measures?

Doug Johnson, of Watson, says, “While returning home from a trip last week, my wife and I watched the road signs for a good place to eat.

“One restaurant advertised ‘Semi Parking.’

“Darned if I am going to stop at a place where I can’t park completely!”

Write Smiley at [e-mail]. He can also be reached by fax at [phone] or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.