Smiley: Banking on chicken

One of the things I like about small towns is the way residents know just about everybody in town, and look after each other.

Dixie Saucier, of Eunice, says a friend told her this story at a “little old ladies” bridge game:

The lady said her elderly mother, who is deaf, called Popeye’s and ordered some chicken, then drove over to pick it up.

A short time later the daughter got a call from a friend who works at a bank next door to Popeye’s.

The banker told her, “Chere, you have to come get your mama. She has stopped up our drive-through lane waiting for her chicken and won’t leave.”

Burning issue

Larry Conkerton says this is a true story about two Baton Rouge attorneys:

One of them objected to divorce on religious grounds, and would not handle divorce cases.

He would refer them to his friend, who would then send him a referral fee.

Once, when he did this in a divorce case involving a great deal of money, he didn’t receive his usual fee from his friend.

When he asked him about it, the attorney who had handled the case told him, “Look, if I’m going to hell for handling a divorce case, I’m going to take the entire fee with me!”

Burning issue II

Malcolm Wright says, “In 1906, before Oklahoma was a state, my maternal grandparents with six of their children got in two covered wagons in Siloam Springs, Arkansas, and drove to Boulder, Colorado. It took 13 weeks.

“My Aunt Delia kept a diary of the trip. On Sept. 26, 1906, somewhere near Garden City, Kansas, she wrote, ‘Had a new kind of fire to cook supper. That is, a cowchip fire. Of course we have read of using buffalo chips for fire wood in days of the past, but this our first experience.’ ”

Lose the GPS!

Speaking of chips, pies, patties, etc., Keith Horcasitas says:

“In home care visits to clients, especially in the rural areas, Mapquest, Google maps and even GPS can get you lost.

“But one of my favorite and blessed RN buddies, Margaret, helped me to navigate the meandering and off-the-chart ‘Country Roads’ (as John Denver sang) to get to a client.

“She said, ‘You’ll pass a few unmarked intersections, an old abandoned bar and then come to a long series of open pastures; then, when you pass what must be the longest stretch of cow pies in Louisiana, the person’s trailer is on the left!’ ”

Lose the soup!

Faye Hoffman Talbot, of Jackson, says, “My oldest son turns 30 this month. I still remember his first day at ‘Mother’s Day Out’ as if it were yesterday.

“I carefully packed him a lunch of soup in a Thermos, juice, crackers and cookies and sent him on his way.

“When I picked him up, the teacher said, ‘He IS your first child.’

“I wondered how she figured that out.

“She said, ‘Please, only send pick-up food, not soup.’

“I guess I stared at her blankly, because she then said, ‘A sandwich.’

“I told her he had never had a sandwich.

“She said he would survive — and she was right.”

Special People Dept.

Millie Green celebrates her 92nd birthday on Thursday. She was a telegraph operator for Illinois Central Railroad, and son Philip says at her 90th birthday party “We brought a telegraph device to her party. Near the end of the party, Mom went to the device and tapped out a series of dots and dashes — thanking everyone for a wonderful party.”

Lenora Simoneaux, of Klotzville, celebrates her 90th birthday on Thursday.

Oughta be a law…

Loraine Bruner says, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the government would pass a law that would limit the time on ads for those running for office?

“My idea would be six months for federal positions and three months for state and local.

“I get so tired of the same ol’ hogwash every day for months and years.”

Nice try, but …

Ernie Gremillion says grandson Sean loves to tell “groaners,” but needs some practice.

One of his favorites is, “A three-legged dog walks into a bar and announces, ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’

But Ernie says when the lad told it recently, the ending came out, “I’m looking for the man who shot my foot.”

Dead reckoning

It’s an old gag, but this tale from Charlie Zachariah is worth repeating:

A gentleman is on his death bed and knows the end is near.

Along with his nurse, his wife, daughter and two sons are with him.

He says to them, “Bennie, you can have the Mayfair houses. Sybil, you have the apartments. Jamie, the offices in central city are yours. And Sarah, my dear wife, the residences along the riverbank are yours.”

The nurse is blown away by what she heard, and suggests to the wife that her husband must have been a hard worker to accumulate such property.

Sarah replies, “Property? He had a paper route!”

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.