Smiley: Golf without cussing?

Sam King, the mayor of Graveyard Island and former Advocate sports editor, has a golfing story:

“Golfers have no pride when hunting a victim to beat. Thus, one day as I finished No. 1 at City Park, a fellow yelled and asked me to come join their threesome.

“Being one who spent most of his years talking with coaches, if I don’t recognize someone, he immediately becomes ‘Coach.’

“I was having a ‘great’ day, scoring 6 or 7 on most holes, with a few bad words here and there for bad shots.

“After the appropriate word, I would say, ‘Sorry, Coach.’

“This goes on until the 18th hole, when I missed a 3-footer and quipped ‘Son of a (something or other), I should have made that, Coach.’

“He said, ‘Sam, we’re not coaches, I’m Father (So and So) and I thought you should have made the (blank) hole, too.’

“I said, ‘Father, forgive me; you don’t know what it’s like to play this badly.’ ”

Explaining ugly

Alex Chapman, of Ville Platte, responds to my Monday diatribe about ugly men’s fashions in the ’70s:

“It wasn’t all our fault. We were just wearing/grooming like the Fashion Police told us.

“I think some of those God-awful pics have something to do with primitive photography.

“And all those girls that we drooled/blushed over sure don’t look so good in those pics today.

“Want to get slapped quick? Pull out a pic of a then-19-year-old gal with a ’60s hairdo in a short skirt.”

(Not a chance, Alex. I’ve lived as long as I have by never antagonizing women.)

An aunt to remember

Smitty Landry, of New Iberia, knows the bar song E.R. Guidry recalled from her college days.

“I was at SLI (now the University of Louisiana at Lafayette) during the early years of World War II, and remember singing ‘Ole Aunt Jane.’

“It had many verses, some with imperfect rhyming and all a little risqué for our time.

“After over 70 years, I remember one of the verses and the chorus:

“ ‘Janie had a house by the side of the road,

She made more money than Henry Ford …’ ”

The chorus tells of her success in the, uh, personal services business…

Foxy visitors

Laurence Bland was on a four-mile run around University Lake on Sunday afternoon “when I came upon two critters coming out from under a bush on South Lakeshore Drive across from Baton Rouge Beach.

“At first, I thought they were a pair of tannish-brown cats, but as I got closer I realized they were larger and had long, very furry tails. I am not a wildlife expert, but I am pretty sure these two critters were foxes.

“They came out from under the bush, crossed South Lakeshore Drive into the front yard of one of the homes. As I approached, both stopped, turned and sat upright only about 10 yards from the road and watched me as I ran past them.

“I can now add foxes to my long list of wildlife I have seen while running the University/City Park lakes — bald eagles, pelicans, Canadian geese, wood ducks, mallards, cormorants, herons, alligators, nutria, coyotes and of course the infamous pink flamingos.”

Fonville returns

The photos of Fonville Winans have become an integral part of the history of Baton Rouge and south Louisiana.

His legacy will be celebrated on Saturday, May 17, with the opening of an exhibit at the Old State Capitol, “Fonville Returns.”

The opening, reception and book signing by Cyril E. Vetter of his “Fonville Winans’ Louisiana: Politics, People and Places” is from 5:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. The exhibit will be on display until July 12.

“Costume” party

The LSU Textile and Costume Museum benefits from a wine and cheese party at Mignon Faget in Towne Centre on Thursday, May 15, from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. Call (225) 578-2448.

Special People Dept.

Margery Leonard, of Village Woods, celebrates her 92nd birthday on Wednesday, May 14.

Elizabeth Rayburn celebrates her 91st birthday on Wednesday, May 14.

Thought for the Day

From Al Bethard, of Lafayette: “When you have leftover pizza for breakfast, it is ‘Italian cheese toast.’”

Now that’s power!

“Olde Guy” says, “In the ’80s I had a friend who was 92 and had only recently gotten a TV.

“He lived alone, so I visited him often.

“During one of my visits, I asked him what he watched on TV.

“He said, ‘Not much, but I watch the weather every day.’

“On my next visit, we were on his porch, and I asked if he thought it would rain.

“He sadly shook his head and said, ‘You know, a man could look at the clouds before he went to bed, and get up in the morning and look at the sky and he could tell what the weather would do. But now since those weathermen in Baton Rouge have gotten control of the weather, it’s just no telling what it’s going to do!’

“The old gentleman was dead serious when he said it.”

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.