Smiley: Decline the invitation!

Perry Anderson Synder has a “Why we love grandkids” story:

“Like most 5-year-olds, our grandson Anderson has begun raising questions about dying and heaven.

“On this week’s after-school ‘donut date’ with his grandmother, he asked her, ‘Nini, when will you go to heaven?’

“Wanting to respond in a way that he would understand, Cindy said, ‘When my invitation from God comes, I’ll go then.’

“Without hesitation, Anderson responded emphatically: ‘When it comes, Nini, don’t you dare open it. Send it right back.’

“He added, ‘I want you to stay with me forever.’

“Yes, that was a Kleenex moment. …”

A little off

More misheard songs:

Rod Colletti, of Brusly, remembers a guy in his hometown of Bogalusa who always sang “There is Zona” for Mark Lindsay’s “Arizona.”

Ray Spruellpar says, “Sam & Dave’s ‘Hold On, I’m Comin’ was thought to be ‘Go home John Thomas’ way back when my wife and friend returned from a vacation out of the country!”

And Sue Conran says, “When my late younger brother Roy joined in the singing one Sunday, instead of ‘Bringing in the Sheaves,’ he very loudly sang ‘Bringing in the Sheets.’

“He also tried to get some of his money back from the collection plate, but our mom quickly put a stop to that.”

Soup’s on!

Song lyrics aren’t the only things people mishear. Differences in accents can result in some amusing misunderstandings:

Pat Ryan says, “We were in Minneapolis for a convention for work.

“A group of us went out for lunch. On the menu, it said large or super drink.

“When it came time for my husband, Ed, to order, he said, ‘I’ll have a supa.’

“She asked him what kind of soup he wanted.

“We all laughed and said he wanted the super drink.”

Which reminds me

My “Minneapolis mistake” wasn’t the result of a verbal misunderstanding, but a cultural one.

I was attending a business writers’ convention in Minneapolis many years ago and went out for breakfast with the late, great Roland Daigre.

We chose a nearby cafeteria, and as we went down the line, I was delighted to spot a serving tray filled with steaming grits.

I put a large serving on my plate to accompany my eggs, toast and bacon.

But when I started to eat I quickly learned the difference between grits and cream of wheat. It is considerable. …

Mr. Seafood

Robert L. Cabes says, “Your run of spell-check goofs is carried on today on our ‘smartphones.’

“My iPhone insists on anticipating what I am writing.

“The system does ‘learn’ what you mean, but that sometimes takes a while.

“My favorite is the propensity for my phone to deal with my name.

“I sent many a message with an ‘rcrabs’ signature.”

Louisiana largesse

Jackie Carr says she and Madeline Hebert both sent packages of Louisiana goodies to Tyler Lu, the California fifth-grader doing a class project on our state:

“I sent a Louisiana ‘Who Dat’ pelican shirt, Mardi Gras beads, brochures, a Rex Gold Lieutenant Doll, and both Rex and White Kitchen doubloons.”

(I had identified the Rex doll as a voodoo doll. Sorry.)

Vote for Hannah

Baton Rouge resident Hannah Chen, who plans to attend Georgia Tech in the fall, is one of 24 finalists in Church Hill Classics’ Frame My Future Scholarship Contest, competing for a $1,000 scholarship.

You can vote online all this month at www.diplomaframe.com/FMF2014-Chen.

Special People Dept.

Mina Ford, of Southwind Assisted Living in Crowley, celebrates her 95th birthday on Wednesday.

Eleanor Cole celebrated her 93rd birthday on Sunday.

Buck and Ina Langlois celebrate their 59th anniversary on Wednesday.

Thought for the Day

From Bo Bienvenu, of Prairieville: “A man wearing a helmet defending his country should make more money than a man wearing a helmet defending a football.”

You SURE about that?

This just in from Alan P. Carey:

“Out on Highland Road in someone’s front yard is a sign that reads: ‘This House is NOT for sale … LEAVE US ALONE.’

“Whew!”

Whew! indeed. ...

Uneven fight

Algie Petrere offers this story “with apologies to my lawyer friends:”

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyers club by mistake.

The old legal lions gave them a fight for their lives. The gang was very happy to escape.

“It ain’t so bad,” one crook noted. “We got out with $25 between us.”

“I warned you to stay clear of lawyers!” the boss screamed. “We had over $100 when we broke IN!”

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.