Smiley: “Wife” gets raw deal Smiley: “Wife” gets raw deal smiley anders March 26, 2014 Comments John Rooney, of Portland, Texas, says our tale of the lady buying baby clothes for her poodle and getting odd looks “reminded me of a story about my dad, Jack Rooney. “He was traveling with our dog and stopped at a motel. They did not allow pets, but he snuck the dog into his room. “Next morning he went to the motel restaurant for breakfast, and after eating decided to get the dog something to eat. “Not wanting to admit he had a dog in his room, he told the waitress his wife was in the room, was shy and did not like coming to the restaurant, so could he just get a hamburger to bring to her. “Then he told the waitress she was on a diet, so no bun, just the meat. And she preferred her hamburger very rare; in fact raw would be fine. “I’m sure that waitress thought he was either the meanest husband in the world or crazy!” Getting your attention You people have been watching too many horror movies. Over a story in The Advocate on Wednesday about a prototype Navy vessel called the Anaconda being tested on the Atchafalaya River, we placed the headline “Anaconda snakes along river.” Several readers did not realize that in this case, “snakes” was a verb: B.J. Gouedy: “Imagine my surprise when I stumbled down my drive, picked up my paper and the headlines screamed ‘Anaconda snakes along river.’ “With Florida swamps being invaded by pythons, gators trying to eat Troy from ‘Swamp People,’ hogs invading the entire South …I was beginning to think there were no safe places anymore. Anaconda snakes would just be the last straw — I would have to go live in some Yankee state.” Patsy Borie: “Horrors! I was so relieved to read that Anaconda is the name of a boat, so the Atchafalaya is not infested with those deadly snakes. Whew!” Lynn Coxe Graham: “As someone who is deathly afraid of snakes, I almost had a heart attack when I picked up the paper. “Talk about an attention-grabbing headline! (But some who read this may not have been as lucky as I, and actually had heart palpitations!)” Love, Gene Before I declare Valentine’s Day officially over, here’s a letter from an old Istrouma High classmate to his wife, also one of my classmates. It’s the kind of letter I think a lot of ladies would like to get: “In high school, I was looking for a rose and found several thorns. However, in ninth grade civics class I found an orchid … named Sylvia. “During our 59 years of marriage, I have not always, or not nearly enough, told you how much I loved you. “You completed all the many holes in my being. “Where I lacked ambition, and drive, you furnished them in abundance. “Where I lacked concern for others, you made sure we did more than our part. “The only fault I found in you was that you misplaced the many love letters I mailed to you while you were in Arkansas. Please keep this love letter and do not lose it. “Love, Gene.” (Something tells me Sylvia Duke isn’t going lose it. …) Star power Mildred P. Worrell says the Clinton Mardi Gras Parade (11 a.m. Saturday, Feb. 22) features as grand marshal a genuine TV star — her cousin, Rick Phillips. Fans of CMT (Country Music Television) will recognize Rick from his role in the “Swamp Pawn” series. He’s described as “the closest thing Bayou Pigeon has to a mayor.” Worthy causes The Hospice of Baton Rouge benefits from an estate sale Saturday, Feb. 22, through Monday, Feb. 24, at 2408 Terrace Ave. A portion of proceeds goes to the hospice. Go to www.hospicebr.org. Special People Dept. Bertha Achord celebrates her 96th birthday on Friday, Feb. 21. Angelo Borruano Sr. celebrates his 95th birthday on Saturday, Feb. 22. Janet Dietrich celebrates her 90th birthday on Saturday, Feb. 22. Charlotte Ingram celebrates her 90th birthday on Sunday, Feb. 23. Otis and Jackie Blackard celebrate their 72nd anniversary on Friday, Feb. 21. He is a World War II veteran. George and Roberta Kelly, of Denham Springs, celebrate 63 years of marriage on Friday, Feb. 21. Larry G. Peltier Sr. and Frances Panepinto Peltier, of Sunshine, celebrate their 57th anniversary on Sunday, Feb. 23. Charles and Mary Hulbert celebrate their 55th anniversary on Friday, Feb. 21. Perfect marriage Algie Petrere tells of the husband and wife who were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. “Oh, we’ll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship,” the wife explained. “He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. “He communicates real well and I just act like I’m listening.” Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.