Smiley: Dissing Bama

Jonathan Williams describes himself as a “longtime dyed in the wool LSU fan now living in Connecticut but born and raised in Baton Rouge.”

He regrets his “great distance from Baton Rouge prevents me from fully experiencing all of the hype that comes with the LSU-Alabama game.

“I feel it therefore necessary to share some humor directed against Alabama in the hopes that it makes you (and hopefully Advocate readers) laugh, even if a little.

“So here geauxs:

“What’s the difference between Nick Saban and Hester Prynne from ‘The Scarlet Letter?’

“One betrayed the trust of an entire city and was forced to wear a red ‘A.’ The other was a character in a book.

“If Saban leaves for Texas, there are plans to rename Tuscaloosa after a city in New York — Sleepy Hollow.

“Why does UA have an elephant as a sideline mascot, but the cheer is ‘Roll Tide?’

“Because they’re just as confused as Auburn.”

Going hog wild

For many years Jay Huner, of Boyce, has been this column’s unpaid crawfish expert.

He wrote recently to say that crawfish would be available and ready for boiling in a couple of weeks.

Good news indeed.

Even more interesting is Jay’s description of an annual event in the east Texas town of Ben Wheeler — the Fall Feral Hog Festival.

He learned of the festival when he went over there to pick up his wife, who had been visiting their sister-in-law.

The two ladies told him they had attended the Feral Hog Festival, and had a great time:

“Their favorite float,” says Jay, “was ‘Hog Dynasty,’ complete with ‘Duck Dynasty’ lookalike hog hunters.

“They also liked the ‘Pig Express,’ a pink derelict school bus with a big pig nose and a curly pig tail.

“By the way, feral hogs eat crawfish, so we need to do what we can to control the hogs by converting them into barbecue, cracklings, chitterlings etc.”

(You can count on me to do my part, Jay.…)

Johnny be good

Winston Day says when he was sitting in Baton Rouge High’s “superbly restored” auditorium Saturday night enjoying the music of Johnny Rivers, “probably the best known former Baton Rougean in the world,” he recalled young Johnny Ramistella’s days at Baton Rouge High in the late ’50s:

“I and my friends already knew he was a great rock ’n’ roller. By the time I finished BRHS in ’63, he was already creating musical waves on the West Coast.”

Winston says Thursday, Nov. 7, is Johnny’s birthday.

He’d like all of us to join in wishing the great rocker a happy day. (He says he’d lead us in singing “Happy Birthday,” but unlike Johnny, he can’t carry a tune. …)

The marbles boat

Leo Poole, of Winnfield, says in his youth the practice of swooping down on a schoolyard marbles game and scooping up all the marbles was preceded by a call of “Gray mule!” (rather than “Razoo!” as another reader told us).

Here’s his marbles memory:

“After a hitch in the Marines during the Vietnam War, I got a job on a Mississippi River towboat pushing barges of sulphur to Chicago.

“After about two days aboard the boat, a marbles game started in the mess hall, with betting.

“To see a bunch of grown men down on their hands and knees shooting marbles was hilarious.

“Of course the deck shook and tilted due to wake of other boats etc.

“I was sitting at a table when the marbles all rolled toward me.

“I scooped them up, shouted ‘Gray mule!’ and put them in my pocket.

“I was accepted as a full-fledged crew member after this.”

Special People Dept.

Netta Bergeron celebrates her 98th birthday on Thursday, Nov. 7.

Dr. Thomas J. Wilcox, of Greater Mt. Carmel Baptist Church in Scotlandville, celebrates his 90th birthday on Thursday, Nov. 7.

John and Margie Coxe, of Walker, celebrate their 68th anniversary on Thursday, Nov. 7.

Colorful comment

Well, now we know what Glenn Balentine, of Prairieville, has been reading.

Says Glenn, “My contractor asked me to pick up some gray grout for our tile project.

“He explained there are four or five shades of gray, so my wife might prefer one particular color.

“I replied, ‘Aren’t there FIFTY shades of gray?’ ”

Tech challenged

Bill Spiers offers what he calls “The Low-Down Computer Blues:”

“I don’t hashtag or twitter,

don’t mean to sound bitter,

but technology is passing me by.

When I was in college

I soaked up the knowledge

and punched out punch cards on the fly.

Now I’m an elder

and I can’t Facebook or Yelper

but I could try if I only knew why.”

Write Smiley at He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.