Smiley: Suspicions confirmed

Gerald Wray, of Pride, says, “Growing up watching LSU and Saints games with my family, my mom would always call the referees ‘convicts’ because of their black-and-white striped uniforms — and because to her thinking they were stealing the game for the other team with their calls.

“So imagine my surprise, while waiting for the band to come down the hill at the LSU-Furman game, to see three East Baton Rouge (Parish) sheriff’s prisoner transport SUVs pull up, and who steps out of them but the referees in their stripes.

“I guess it just goes to show Mom is always right.”

Nothing like experience

The above tale reminds me of this Carl Spillman story:

A lady found she had locked her keys inside her car, so she tried to open the car door with an old coathanger she found nearby.

When she wasn’t succesful, she bowed her head and asked God to send her help.

Just then a scruffy gent passing by stopped and asked her what was wrong.

When she explained her problem and asked him if he could use the hanger to unlock her car door, he said, “Sure,” and in less than a minute, it was open.

She hugged the man, and through tears said, “Thank you SO much! You are a very nice man.”

The man replied, “Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of prison yesterday — I was there for car theft.”

The woman hugged the man again and, sobbing, cried out, “Oh, thank you, God! You even sent me a PROFESSIONAL!”

King Rob?

Observing the way Rob Ryan has resurrected the Saints’ once woeful defense, there’s no doubt that he’s in line for New Orleans’ ultimate honor.

Look for him to be featured on at least one Carnival krewe’s float (although he’s big enough to BE a float. …)

Language barriers

John LaCarna says, “One way I have of dealing with phone solicitations is to answer, ‘You have just reached the … (mumble). To continue in English, press ONE. Para continuar en espanol, marque usted numero DOS.’

“I’ll wait a few seconds while they — believe it or not — press keys repeatedly, then I’ll hang up.”

Fake peanuts?

Doug Johnson, of Watson, is concerned:

“As I sat down to read and enjoy a small snack, I noticed the label on my peanut butter sandwich crackers said ‘Made With Real Peanut Butter.’

“As much as I try, I cannot imagine what artificial peanut butter would consist of. Any help?”

(Not from me, Doug — but now you’ve got me scanning peanut butter labels. Thanks a lot. …)

Natural athlete

Regarding our seminar on childhood marbles games, Lorraine Drago proudly announces her brother Ben Crifasi “held the marble championship title in the sixth grade at Fairfields School.”

She says Ben, approaching his 90th birthday, wonders if anyone remembers this:

“In playing basketball, when the ball went out of bounds, you had to hug the post before throwing it back in.”

Thank-you notes

Mike Humble says he and his family thank “those in the medical profession for their care, attention, expertise and professionalism towards my dad during his surgeries, complications, monitoring and recovery at Our Lady of the Lake.

“Drs. Harrod, Lyons and Vincent, Katelyn and too many others to name in the SICU made a difficult time a lot easier.”

Happy returns

Aaron Bourgeois thanks the anonymous person who found his class ring in the LSU area and took the time to return it to Baton Rouge High:

“You made a high school senior — and his parents — very happy.”

Worthy causes

A “Cuts for Cause” event at Remington College during November collects food for needy families. Bring nonperishable food to the Baton Rouge campus for a complimentary haircut, manicure or pedicure.

Call (225) 291-4660.

Special People Dept.

Wintress Henley celebrated her 94th birthday on Oct. 22, and Eliza Hawkins celebrated her 95th birthday on Wednesday, Oct. 30. Both are members of Greater Mt. Carmel Baptist Church in Scotlandville.

On Wednesday, Oct. 30, Hazel and Huey “Chuck” Simms, of Plaquemine, celebrate 53 years of marriage.

Family matters

T. Med Hogg says, “I have not seen the new TV show about ex-Gov. Edwin Edwards and his wife, titled ‘The Governor’s Wife,’ but think a better name for it might be ‘I’m My Own Grandpa.’ ”

Thought for the Day

From Dan Burkhalter, the Carencro Curmudgeon, “You’re never too old to learn something stupid.”

Silence is golden

Robert Smiley, of Denham Springs, says, “From what I have heard some politicians saying recently, maybe they should use glue sticks instead of chapsticks.”

Write Smiley at He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.