While Smiley is on his Well-Deserved Vacation, here are tales from past columns:
Push comes to shove
Carl and Marlene Turco got this from Missouri friend James Gardner:
A loud pounding on the door awakens a man and his wife at 3 in the morning.
The husband opens the door to find an inebriated stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push.
“Not a chance,” says the husband, slamming the door and returning to bed.
When he tells his wife, she says angrily, “Remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed!”
So the husband gets dressed, goes out in the rain and calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”
“Yes,” comes back the answer.
“Do you still need a push?”
“Where are you?” asks the husband.
“Over here on the swing …”
‘Tis the season
Jackie Whitehead says great-grandson Riley Joe, 4, informed her that there are three seasons, not four.
He explained to her that the seasons are deer, turkey and rabbit.
Jackie asks, “Would you say his nickname, Bubba, is appropriate?”
Agony of de feet
Shirley Fleniken tells of the boy, 3, who proudly put his shoes on by himself.
When his mom noticed the left shoe on the right foot, she told him, “Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet.”
He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, “Don’t kid me, Mom. I KNOW they’re my feet.”
E.J. Duval, of Port Allen, tells of the three preachers who were having lunch together when one of them complained about mice in his church.
He said he had tried traps, sprays and noise and could not get rid of them.
The second preacher said he also had lots of mice in his church, and even exterminators couldn’t get them out.
The third pastor smiled and said he once had the same problem with mice — then he baptized all of them, made them members of the church, and hadn’t seen them since.
Tom Adams tells of little Johnny and his family having Sunday dinner at his grandmother’s house.
When food was served and Johnny got his plate, he started eating right away.
“Johnny, wait until we say our prayer,” his mother reminded him.
“I don’t have to,” he replied.
“Of course you do,” she insisted. “We say a prayer before eating at our house.”
“That’s at OUR house,” Johnny explained. “But this is Grandma’s house, and she KNOWS to cook.”
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