While Smiley is enjoying his Well-Deserved Vacation, he hopes you enjoy these tales:
Shirley Fleniken says when her daughter was 3 they watched “Snow White” for the first time:
“The wicked queen appeared, disguised as an old lady selling apples, and my daughter was spellbound.
“Then Snow White took a bite of the poisoned apple and fell to the ground unconscious.
“As the apple rolled away, my daughter spoke up: ‘See, Mom. She doesn’t like the skin either.’ ”
Dressed for excess
Jack tells of the little girl who was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.”
“And why not, darling?” he said.
She replied, “You know that it always gives you a headache next morning.”
Maypop, of Centreville, Miss., tells of the traveling salesman on his way to Louisville who had some time to kill, so he left the interstate and ventured into the mountains of eastern Kentucky to do some sightseeing.
After a while he realized he was on an unmarked country road, and quite lost.
When he finally spotted a farmer plowing on the side of a hill, he shouted, “Hey, how do you get to Louisville?”
The farmer stopped his mule and shouted back, “My son-in-law takes me.”
Richard Guidry, of Zachary, says, “I know I’m getting old … my insurance company just sent me half a calendar.”
A bloody shame
The late John Allphin’s bar story crops up every Halloween:
Three vampires walk into a bar.
The first vampire tells the waitress, “I’ll have a mug of blood.”
The second vampire says, “I’ll take the same.”
The third vampire says, “I’ll have a glass of plasma.”
The waitress calls out to the bartender, “Two bloods and a blood light.”
My friends who drink beer like this story, from JGS:
Four brewery presidents go into a bar.
The guy from Corona says, “Hey Senõr, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.”
The guy from Budweiser says, “I’d like the King of Beers, a Budweiser.”
The guy from Coors says, “I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, a Coors.”
The guy from Guinness says, “Give me a Coke.”
The other brewery presidents, shocked, ask him, “Why aren’t you drinking Guinness?”
He replied, “Well, I figured if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I.”
Email Smiley@theadvocate.com, fax (225) 388-0351 or send mail to P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.