Smiley: Driving to the blues

To “Mike from Port Allen,” it’s music that soothes the savage commuter:

“I was having my usual morning — idiots who shouldn’t be allowed to drive trying to kill me; the new bridge at a standstill coming into Baton Rouge, which made me late.

“It’s all good, though. I got to watch a beautiful sunrise, and KBRH (1260 AM) is finally back on the air playing classic blues and rhythm hits after being off the air for decades (at least it felt like that long).

“Great music to listen to overcomes all the daily inconveniences.”

Cause and effect

“Ever notice how many birthdays there are in the month of September?” asks Chuck Falcon, of Donaldsonville.

“Could this be a byproduct of New Year’s Eve or the cold, rainy days of January?”

Don’t tilt the kilt

After we mentioned the statue of a Greek god in a ladies room that set off an alarm when his fig leaf was moved, we heard from Joe Ricapito with this similar tale:

“The note about odd and interesting decorations in a ladies room reminds me of a well-known restaurant in the Bay Ridge section of Brooklyn.

“In the ladies room of this place there was a statue of a Scotsman in kilts. If a person raised the kilt a gong went off in the restaurant, and on exiting the restroom the person who raised the kilt was greeted with applause, jeers, jibes and whistles.

“I guess this shows that the prank is universal, and that makes it a part of folklore.”

Circular circus

Bo Stepp adds to our seminar on roundabouts:

“A few years back, I did several projects in Freeport, Grand Bahamas.

“It was a miracle that any of my south Louisiana crew members weren’t killed in auto accidents while negotiating the many roundabouts while having to drive on the left side of the road.

“They would get stuck and unable to get out until they made several laps.

“The only roundabouts they seemed to be able to negotiate without any trouble were the ones near the nightclubs in Port Lucaya — but they did have a lot of practice driving there. …”

Saying a mouthful

Ernie Gremillion says, “At my last physical therapy session, I advised the therapist that I may miss my next session because I was having oral surgery to put in dental implants.

“When she remarked that it sounded expensive, I explained that indeed it was, and I may need fiscal therapy afterward.”

The agony of de feet

Nic Ourso has determined why women live longer than men:

“It has become very clear to me that one of the main reasons for the longer life expectancy of women is this — they get to wear open-toed, relaxing shoes just about everywhere they go, even to formal events.

“Whereas us guys have to almost always wear completely closed-in shoes.

“Oh well, this at least gives me the opportunity to enjoy one of my favorite times of day — when I joyously take off my shoes at home after a day of closed-in shoe wearing.”

Don’t start …

Dudley Lehew, of Denham Springs, says our seminar on car songs brought to mind a song that is not about cars, but was once sung on every car trip involving youngsters, back in the days before they could occupy themselves with electronic games:

“The most well-known and most sung — by young and old, for generations — even though it has often started fights as well as laughter is, beyond a doubt, ‘99 Bottles of Beer On the Wall.’ ”

Creep of the Week

Denise H. Sykes, of St. Francisville, tells of one of the very worst kinds of miscreants — the newspaper thief:

“Someone has been stealing The Advocate from my elderly mom’s driveway on La. 10 for the last two weeks.

“She enjoys reading her newspaper daily and is upset that someone would do this.

“We hope the creep reads this and starts to buy his/her own newspaper!”

Special People Dept.

Jesse F. “Pop” Davis, of Denham Springs, celebrates his 102nd birthday Monday.

On Monday John Yarwood, of Walker, celebrates his 91st birthday. He retired as a U.S. Navy commander with 30 years of service.

Troubled marriage

Dan Burkhalter, the Carencro Curmudgeon, relates the sad story of the marital problems of a dentist and a manicurist:

“They fought tooth and nail.”

Height of sarcasm

Joe Guilbeau, of Plaquemine, tells of the guy who had a grilled cheese sandwich and a cup of soup in a restaurant and was presented a bill for $13.95.

“That’s awfully high,” he told the waitress.

She replied, “That’s our regular price.”

The man paid the check, and asked her, “What’s that around your neck?”

She said, “That’s a necklace; why do you ask?”

The man said, “I thought it might be your garter — everything else is so high here!”

Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.