Smiley: Damp fine idea

Who says my readers aren’t creative?

Michael Mann says, “Living in the Deep South and being a wearer of glasses, I’ve developed a relative humidity rating system, with only four categories, that may be more practical than the less-concrete percentages currently in use.

“It’s based on the degree to which glasses fog as we exit air conditioned offices, homes and vehicles into the weather’s soupe du jour.

“I’ve dubbed it FEMS (Four Eyes Moisture Scale), but am open to other names.

“The FEMS levels are:

Level 1 — a hazy morning.

Level 2 — a bit foggy.

Level 3 — ‘Are those people or cars coming at me?’

Level 4 — ‘Where’d everybody go?’

“I’m hoping you might know how I submit such ideas to NOAA.”

(Forget NOAA, Michael — I’m taking this straight to the top. Yes, to Pat Shingleton …)

Loose translation

Julie Kammer, of Metairie, says, “My daughter, at 4, was reciting the Lord’s Prayer:

“ ‘… and give us some trespasses, as we give some trespasses to others.’

“Who knew that karma was in the Lord’s Prayer?”

Names make news

Paul Vincent says when he was a college student at what’s now the University of Louisiana in Lafayette in 1955, The Skunk Drive Inn was the place to get a great burger.

Audrey F. Schilling recalls a beauty shop on Monterrey Boulevard once called “The Best Little Hair House In Town.”

It was inspired, of course, by the musical about a Texas establishment that was not a beauty salon.

She says the shop is now Le Shear, “and all the ladies speak nothing but LSU baseball. It’s a hoot.”

A dog’s life

Lettye Harris says the folks at the Regions Bank drive-up window on College Drive may have started the practice of handing out dog treats in the mid-’80s for her Sheltie, Scottie:

“He loved to ride, and went everywhere.

“We went to the Rax drive-thru a lot, and they would always say, ‘Here’s a cookie for Scottie.’ He also got cookies at McDonald’s.

“One day we drove up to the Regions window, and he sniffed the air.

“The lady asked why he was doing that, so I told her he was looking for his cookie.

“The next time we drove up, she passed the treats back through the drawer, much to Scottie’s delight.

“He also liked to bark along with the singing dogs when Lew Carter played their version of ‘Jingle Bells’ on his show the Saturday before Christmas.

“Lew always announced it was for ‘the lady whose dog likes to bark along.’ ”

The pear man

Carol Anne Blitzer has a flier Louis Curet passed out in New Roads more than 70 years ago.

Now a retired attorney, Louis was going through some old files when he found the flier, from when he was selling hard canning pears from his family’s property to make a little money.

It read, “Notice! For the Best in Pineapple Pears see Louis D. Curet, 30 cents per 10-quart bucket. We deliver.”

Says Carol Anne: “Every August, Louis brings me pears that Virginia Noland and I use to make preserves.

“He said since I’m one of his last remaining customers, I might like the flier.

“He still delivers, but now the pears are free.”

Cool news

Pat McBride hopes his Saturday “Christmas In July” radio shows will help you cool off.

His shows on WBRH/KBRH — the 1 p.m. blues show and the 3 p.m. “Louisiana Gumbo” — will feature Christmas songs, bringing thoughts of snowmen, sleighs and frostbite.

Special People Dept.

Lillie Louviere, of Franklin Health Care Center in Franklin, celebrated her 100th birthday Wednesday.

Lorene Williams, of Hammond, celebrates her 99th birthday Sunday.

Hazel Roy, of Brusly, celebrates her 98th birthday Saturday.

On Wednesday Tessie Fricke Graham, of Franklinton, celebrated her 94th birthday.

Merle Sprouse celebrates her 90th birthday Friday.

Robert B. and Doris J. Williams celebrate their 71st anniversary Friday.

On Sunday Verlee and Joe Guilbeau, of Plaquemine, celebrate 62 years of marriage.

Dorothy and Lester Jay, of New Iberia, celebrate their 62nd anniversary Sunday.

Thought for the Day

From Robert Smiley: “Some things are best left unsaid — now if I could just remember which things!”

Growing pains

Doug Johnson, of Watson, says our tales of practical jokes “remind me of one that happened where I worked several years ago.

“One of the employees was known to be very naive. A couple of the guys who lived near him bought two of the largest watermelons they could find and sneaked them into his garden.

“The next day, he bragged to us, ‘They grew so fast, they grew right off the end of the vine!’ ”

Write Smiley at He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.