(While Smiley is on his Well-Deserved Vacation, he hopes you enjoy tales from past columns, especially the bar jokes:)
Thought for the Day
From Marie Deer: “Why did God create man before woman?
Because you’re always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.”
Question of the Week
A landscaping etiquette inquiry from Robby Zeringue:
“If I don’t own one of those high-decibel leaf blowers, can I just rake the leaves out into the street instead of bagging them?”
It quacked me up!
From Richard Guidry, of Zachary: “A duck walks into a bar and orders a shot of tequila.
“The bartender pours the drink and says, ‘That’ll be $2.’
“The duck says, ‘Just put it on my bill.’”
From Chet Siemion, of Denham Springs: “A guy walks into a bar, takes a stool, orders a drink, then takes his hat off and sets it on the bar.
“The bartender looks up and sees, growing out of the top of the guy’s head, a duck.
“ ‘How in the world did that happen?’ gasps the bartender.
“And the duck says, ‘Well, it all started with a wart on my behind …’ ”
Wooden you know it?
I knew my bar jokes would resurrect this old one.
Dale J. Landry was the first of many to offer it:
“A termite walks into a bar and asks, ‘Is the bar tender here?’ ”
Then there’s the less well-known sequel:
A beaver walks into a bar and says, “The termite sent me.”
Bad to the bone
From Perry Brandao: “A skeleton walks into a bar and the bartender asks, ‘What’ll you have?’
“The skeleton replies, ‘A beer — and a mop.’”
The contributor of this item is anonymous, for some reason:
“Two men walked into a bar.
“You would think the second one would have ducked.”
Stop the madness!
Continuing our series on bar jokes, despite the public outcry:
From John Logerot Jr.:
“A grasshopper walks into a bar.
“The bartender says, ‘Welcome to O’Malley’s. Did you know that we have a drink named after you?’
“Amazed, the grasshopper asks, ‘You have a drink named Fred?’ ”
Linda Champion says, “My kindergartners at Gonzales Primary were reciting their favorite nursery rhymes when Jana told us hers:
“ ‘Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her curves away.’
“I wonder if it was fast food!”
Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com.