Smiley: It’s money that matters Smiley: It’s money that matters Advocate story April 15, 2013 Comments I’m so excited about turning in my income tax form a day early that I just can’t seem to get off the subject. Here’s a story Shirley Fleniken came across: A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, “We feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. “As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile.” “Thank God,” returned the taxpayer. “I thought you were going to want cash.” See no Ernie! Phil Ragusa had this recollection when Ernie Gremillion told an IRS joke and said he was a retired IRS employee: “I went to high school with him at dear ole Catholic High, and at a class reunion I asked him what he did for a living. “When he said he worked for the IRS, I replied I was glad to hear that; I now had a friend to call if I ever had a problem. “He assured me I did not want to call him, as he was in the intelligence department (as in FRAUD).” A shot of hot After Binky Glindmeyer told of the gent in St. Bernard Parish who drank Tabasco hot sauce by the shot, and suggested he might be an alien, I heard from Diane King: “In response to the Tabasco fiasco, my aunt Marilyn Glindmeyer fires back that my uncle Binky must have bypassed Ascension Parish, where a White Road resident known by all — Gator Bug Bullion (my cousin, and not an alien as far as I can tell) — chug-a-lugs so much Tabasco he could star in a McIlhenny commercial.” Culture clash Olive M. Campbell, of Greenwell Springs, tells this story: “Now that my son Tommy lives in Missouri, his care package includes gumbo filé and Slap Ya Mama seasoning. “When he tried to buy gumbo filé in Kansas City, the clerk asked him how to spell it. “When he said ‘f-i-l-e,’ she said he needed to go to a hardware store to buy a file.” Going to the source Karen McLin responds to our discussion of margaritas at the late La Fonda restaurant: “Having been a customer of La Fonda for 40-plus years, I have to say the only margarita to compare to theirs was at a café at the Mayan ruins in Tulum, Mexico.” Flat nice people Pat Tomancik’s trip to the cemetery to bring an Easter lily was interrupted by a flat tire: “As I was trying to reach two sons for help, a young man stopped, and in 10 minutes had my tire changed. “He lives off Darwin and Flannery, and is a mechanic. Thank you, sir!” Looking for stuff Wendy Herschman says at Baton Rouge Earth Day on Sunday, The Red Shoes is creating a labyrinth with donated shoes: any size, color or style. She says, “Gently used shoes will be used to create a labyrinth with ‘sole.” “Drop off shoes at The Red Shoes, 2303 Government St., through Saturday. “After Earth Day, all the shoes will be donated to Cenikor Foundation and St. Vincent de Paul.” Studying Louisiana Della Stout says her great-niece Ariel, “way up in Yankee Land has decided to pick Louisiana as her fifth-grade project on states because she feels a connection through us, though she has not yet visited. “I would love if folks might send a few things to her for her project, so we can really represent for our Magnolia, Crawfish, Alligator State!” For contact information go to firstname.lastname@example.org. Special People Dept. Irma “Nina” Hart, of Hammond, celebrates her 97th birthday Tuesday. Jack and Felicie Langlois Rogillio, of Rosedale, celebrate their 72nd anniversary Tuesday. Bill and Billy Jean Lewis celebrated their 60th anniversary Saturday. Let us prey After I mentioned the alligator that showed up at a Hot Tuna concert at Hemingbough, I heard from David Couvillon:“Why would anybody be surprised that an alligator showed up when the menu — er, playbill — listed ‘Hot Tuna?’ ” Death notice Tony Cantillo, of Lutcher, says, about our mule stories: “I’m surprised no one repeated the story of the man who said when he was a junior in high school, they had to cancel the drivers’ education course, because the mule had died.” No fast needed John Torbert recalls “the days when the visiting evangelist stayed at the homes of church members. “One came down on a Sunday morning to a sumptuous breakfast and announced, ‘I never eat before I preach.’ “So the preacher and the man of the house went off to church while the wife stayed behind to do some more fixing. “When they came back, the wife got her husband off to the side to ask how things went. “He said, ‘He coulda et!’ ” Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.