Smiley Anders for Aug. 27, 2012

In the aftermath of Wednesday’s traffic mess, I offered to hold a Traffic Horror Story Contest.

The mess started, you might recall, in the early morning hours when a car overturned on I-10, causing an isobutane tanker behind it to stop and get rear-ended by an 18-wheeler.

Reggie Gremillion has this comment on the event, and my horror story contest:

“I really don’t have a tale to tell, but I would bet that if you hear from the driver of the tanker truck or the car, they would win hands down!”

The bright side

Something tells me Karen A. Kjar is an incurable optimist.

Here’s her take on The Great Traffic Snafu:

“I think it’s funny that with the traffic Wednesday in Baton Rouge, everyone got so upset about being late to work!

“It’s the one day where you can actually have a legitimate excuse.”

Sayings of the past

A few more examples of dated expressions:

• Doug Johnson, of Watson, says, “An outmoded expression we still hear is to ‘drop a dime’ or ‘it’s your dime,’ referring to phone calls.

“It’s not only outmoded as to price, but when is the last time you even saw a pay phone? What makes me feel even older is that I remember when they were only a nickel.”

• Ronald Fertitta says, “My father owned a hardware store in Leesville years ago.

“When people were through chatting, drinking coffee, catching up on all the news, etc., and started to leave, he would say, ‘Don’t leave now, we are fixing to open up a keg of nails.’ ”

• Becky LeBlanc says, “On the week of the Fourth of July, our daughter and son-in-law, Cindy and Bobby DeAngelo, treated Buster and me, and Bobby’s family (originally from New Jersey), to a week on Lake Tahoe.

“When it came up that I should pay for something, I told family member Tom Means I would pay with a ‘Yankee dime.’

“No one knew it was a kiss. They thought I had made it up.

“I’ve heard this Southern expression all my life.”

Hang in there

Paul Arceneaux tells of seeing something that convinced him cellphone texting is literally everywhere.

He observed a trash collector hanging on to the side of a moving garbage truck with one hand — while he busily texted with the other hand.

A public service

Marvin Borgmeyer says, “As LSU approaches another football season, Brother Eldon Crifasi (having reached 90 years of age on May 30) once again is volunteering to fill any empty Tiger Den Suite seats or Stadium Club seats.

“He is especially concerned this year that some folks may not be willing to attend each of the first three home games, since the competition is slightly less than stellar, and going three weeks in a row may be more than some people will undertake.

“ So, to ensure that Death Valley is completely filled, he (and I as his designated driver) are willing to help out.

“Tickets will be accepted on a first-come first-accepted basis, with a caveat on those closest to the 50-yard-line.

Free pick-up can be arranged by calling [phone].

“Be the first to call and help ensure a successful season for our LSU Tigers.”

Nice People Dept.

Pam Strickland says, “Seems like someone else noticed how truly amazing my parents, Lloyd and Audrey, are.

“They had lunch — or, as we call it in New Orleans, Sunday dinner — at Sammy’s Grill in Prairieville.

“When they went to pay their bill, the waitress told them it had been taken care of.

“Thanks to the sweet, generous couple who did this.

“My mom and dad have performed many acts of kindness in their 66 years of marriage.

“Seems like it was their turn to enjoy the generosity of someone else.

“It made their day.”

Special People Dept.

Ken Land celebrates his 90th birthday Monday.

Apology accepted

Harriet St.Amant sent this one in with a note saying, “I’m sorry…”

“Have you heard how tractors end a romance? They write John Deere letters.”

Awaiting apology

Algie Petrere didn’t apologize for this one, but she should:

“A male statue on a museum pedestal watched with great interest as a female statue was placed beside him.

“‘Hello, I’m made of exotic brown marble,’ he introduced himself. ‘What is your background?’

“‘Oh, my background is impeccable,’ she answered. ‘I’m made of the finest ivory to be found anywhere on earth.’

“‘You sure are beautiful! I know this is sudden, but I already care for you. Will you marry me?’

“‘How do I know you will always give me the respect that fine ivory deserves?’

“‘Oh, my dear, I love you so much already — I could never take you for granite!’”

Write Smiley at [e-mail]. He can also be reached by fax at [phone] or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.