Smiley Anders for Aug. 18, 2012

Dear Smiley: With all the various political campaigns at local, state and national levels getting in high gear, am I the only one annoyed by the use of the royal “we” in campaign statements?

For instance, claims such as “We will reduce crime,” “We will create jobs,” “We will reduce the deficit …”

Who is this “we?”

I thought each candidate was only one person. Who are the rest of these people/entities that make up “we?”

Are the candidates afraid to take the responsibility of saying “I,” or are we, the people, also voting for others than just the candidate?

PAUL MAJOR

Livonia

Dear Paul: I assume the “we” refers to wealthy campaign contributors.

Creative recycling

Dear Smiley: I brought my three granddaughters with me to a bakery to buy a cake for my son’s birthday.

I parked in the front of the bakery and herded my entourage into the store.

When we went back to my truck, we were met by a horribly bad smell.

It seems the little fenced area I had parked next to was a sewage treatment tank.

Hollie, 4, kept asking why my truck smelled so bad, and I explained to her that it was because of the sewage plant.

She asked what a sewage plant was, and I told her it was a place that they took the poop out of the bakery’s toilet water.

She got a horrified look on her face and asked, “And they put it in your TRUCK?”

I had to pull over I was laughing so hard!

BO STEPP

Central

How about brothems?

Dear Smiley: Becky Barbier told me of a conversation she and her granddaughter had.

Seems her 4-year-old granddaughter had a stomach ache.

Becky told her it was probably the pickle she had eaten that messed up her system.

To which her granddaughter replied, “Me-Me, you know I don’t have any SISTEMS.”

CHUCK FALCON

Donaldsonville

Follow the straw

Dear Smiley: Not so long ago people posted ways to tell if a watermelon is ready to be cut.

My “good ole boy” next-door neighbor Alvin W., who grew up in St. James Parish and is a country boy like me, showed me this trick. It really works:

Find a straight broom straw (not a plastic one). Place it on the most level place on the center of the melon, tangentially centered in the direction of the shortest part.

Release the straw carefully, and if it is ripe the straw will move in a counterclockwise position and align itself with the longest part of the melon.

If it is not entirely ripe it may only rotate to, say, a 45-degree position.

No, I do not have time on my hands — it is just too dang hot to go outdoors.

ROBERT BEGNAUD

Baton Rouge

Good neighbors

Dear Smiley: Tell Miriam Juban that Red Rock Cola was bottled in the early 1940s in Baton Rouge, at the corner of North Street and North 23rd.

I was fortunate to live next door to the bottling plant for many years, and my older brother Vince and I were treated to many of the soft drinks they bottled.

It was a two-story building, and the couple who managed it lived upstairs over the facility.

She was a librarian, and as a youngster I accompanied her on the bus to the downtown library, where she taught me an early appreciation of libraries.

NORMAN C. FERACHI

St. Francisville

I’ll drink to that!

Dear Smiley: After seeing the mention of Jack Daniel’s in a recent column, I thought I’d pass this along.

One of my many first cousins is Danny Williams, who lives in Plaquemine and whose full name is John Daniel Williams III.

He and his lovely wife, Patsy, have a son, Jack, whose full name is John Daniel Williams IV.

Jack and his lovely wife Nicole live in Austin, Texas.

Nicole gave birth in 2011 to their son, John Daniel Williams V, and thus was born Jack Daniels — the Fifth.

JIMMY ARBOUR

Magden, Switzerland

Grin and bare it

Dear Smiley: The sight and sounds of Eric Idle of Monty Python singing “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” (from “The Life of Brian”) with Roman centurions contrasted by Scottish bagpipers provided a fitting mash-up to the 2012 London Olympics, and a formidable challenge to the 2016 Olympics, to be held in Rio de Janeiro.

However, beach volleyball will be held adjacent to the nude beaches, so. …

GEORGE LANE

Baton Rouge

The golden boys

Dear Smiley: After your mention of the Olympics in the Tuesday paper, I would suggest that if medals were given for the sport of lying, the Patio Lounge would have plenty of contenders for the gold medal.

KINZEY J. REEVES

Baton Rouge

Dear Kinzey: I assume they would compete as amateurs; that is, non politicians.

Write Smiley at [e-mail]. He can also be reached by fax at [phone] or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.