Smiley Anders for July 26, 2012

Della Stout says one of the skills mastered by Southern girls is the ability to pick out a good, ripe watermelon:

“If you are the deliverer of a bad melon, no one will ever let you forget it.

“Even years later, folks will say things like, ‘Oh, this melon is SOOOO much better than the one you brought to Great-Aunt Eula’s Fourth of July picnic the year after Betsy!’ ”

She was searching for the perfect melon the other day when, “just as I made my selection, a group of young adults stepped up and their spokesman said, ‘My papa always bought our watermelons. I don’t know how to pick one. Can you pick one for us?’ ”

Given this awesome responsibility, Della went into action.

e_SDLqWell,” she told them, e_SDLqthere is thumping, there is slapping, there is smelling, there is hefting and there is a combo of all or some.”

She then demonstrated each skill in turn, and added this tip:

“I always put Tony Chachere’s on mine so it is hot and sweet.”

Della says, “They all looked as confused as sheep at their first shearing.

“I handed them the melon I had chosen and picked up my second choice for myself.

“And thus is another generation instructed!”

It was inevitable

You may have read about the discovery, in Geneva, of the Higgs boson, the so-called “God particle” believed to give all matter in the universe size and shape.

It didn’t take long for the subject to yield a joke, as evidenced by this note from Ernie Gremillion:

“A Higgs boson shows up at a Catholic church. He’s met by the priest, who informs him that he can’t stay there.

“The boson replies, ‘Sure I can; you can’t have mass without me.’ ”

The Adams family

After a reader asked if anyone remembered Adams Funeral Home, I heard from Jo Ann Adams Keller:

“Yes, there is one person who remembers the Adams Funeral Home, as I lived there part of my young life with my family, at 1297 Main St.

“My grandfather was Iva Elmer Adams, who owned it until his death in 1945, and my dad was Homer Adams, who continued the business until 1952.”

She sent over clippings telling of Iva Elmer Adams, an evangelist and Christian Church minister who founded churches in “the notorious oil town of Borger, Texas,” Monroe and Jennings before coming to Baton Rouge.

The funeral parlor was in the old M.C. Aldrich Sr. home, built in 1880. In 1915 it became the site of St. Mary’s Sanitarium, one of Baton Rouge’s early hospitals. It was razed in 1962.

Saving Misty

Robert Steinback, of Ethel, and his mom’s dog, Misty, thank Andrew, Tony, Calvin, Aaron and Ray, and their supervisor Johnny.

The guys, a DEMCO work crew, arrived at the house next door just after Misty, 14 years old and arthritic, got stuck under the front porch steps.

Robert says he told the crew of Misty’s problem, “hoping they might lend me a crowbar or hammer.”

Instead, the crew got to work and managed to pry loose one of the steps, so Robert could free Misty.

He says, “They got the job done in about 10 minutes, but I consider it a lifesaver for Misty.

“Folks willing to lend a hand and ask nothing in return is the type of thing that revives one’s confidence in human nature!”

Worthy causes

Circle Civitan Club sponsors a “Hoedown Dance” and dinner Sunday from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. at American Legion Post 38, 151 S. Wooddale Blvd., for folks with developmental disabilities. Call Linda at [phone].

Special People Dept.

• Melba Thomas, of Gonzales, celebrated her 90th birthday Wednesday.
• On Thursday Robert B. and Doris J. Williams
  celebrate their 70th anniversary.
• Miles L. “Roy” and “B” Eddards, of Denham Springs, celebrated their 62nd anniversary Saturday.

Ill Wind Dept.

R.C. says our recent mention of bagpipers “coincides with a cartoon in the New Yorker.

“In it, a bagpiper stands before Satan on his throne. Below them you see the writhing, tormented souls of Hades.

“The Devil says to the bagpiper, ‘You’re in charge of the music.’

“It also reminded me of the old line, ‘A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn’t.’”

Grin and bare it

After I told of my Gulf Shores vacation and my
beach attire, I heard from Faye Hoffman Talbot, of Jackson:

“I think I speak for your thousands of readers who enjoyed the synopsis of your summer vacation.

“Thank you for not including a picture of you in the tiger-striped thong.

“This is a family publication. If you EVER have any desire to share such pictures, please call me first for advice.”

I also heard from two guys who said that reading about me in a thong spoiled their breakfast, and two ladies who said simply “Ewwwww!”

(Sadly, one of the ladies was my wife …)

Write Smiley at [e-mail]. He can also be reached by fax at [phone] or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.