Doug Johnson, of Watson, our senior legislative observer, issues this report:
“In a debate over a law about the use of cellphones while driving, one legislator listed several problems they caused.
“One problem he mentioned was that when talking on the phone, drivers tended to drive UNDER the speed limit.
“I was going to make a snide remark here, but can’t think of one snide enough to do that statement justice!”
(Perry Snider just mentioned this Lily Tomlin line to me in another context, but it certainly applies here: “No matter how cynical I become, it’s impossible to keep up.”)
Harriet St.Amant says, “Since we’re discussing possible new names for the New Orleans Hornets (Charlotte, N.C., is still referred to as the ‘Hornets’ Nest,’) it occurred to me that we have our very own nasty stinging critter down here, the fire ant.
“Googling it, I discovered that fire ants and hornets are related, both belonging to the order hymenoptera.
“Both sting from the abdomen (the fire ant’s bite is merely to hold on while they sting you as often as possible,) and both produce a potentially lethal venom.
“The New Orleans Fire Ants might become an intimidating team, no?”
Elise Kaufman says son Mark, who lives in New Orleans, suggests calling the Hornets The Latter Day Saints.
“Then the team can switch back names with the Utah Jazz!”
And Ed Skuse, of Ponchatoula, offers one of my favorite suggestions for a new name for the New Orleans NBA team:
“If Miami can have the Heat, then New Orleans can have the Humidity.”
“Neither rain nor…”
“Any bookstore in a storm” is the motto of Advocate columnist Ed Cullen.
Driving down Coursey Boulevard in Wednesday’s downpour, he saw a sign for The Book Trader, 11830 Coursey Blvd., and pulled into the parking lot.
He says, “Just as I stepped into Evelyn Wentworth’s 20-year-old paperback heaven, there was a lightning strike nearby, and the lights went out.
“Afternoon light coming through the store’s windows permitted a few minutes’ browsing until the storm and I moved on.”
Sister Carla Marie Candella says when she had a flat tire on her car just before a trip to Mississippi, she called Randy Arabie at Arabie’s Tire & Car Care Center.
When he picked up her car, he told her he had another flat tire call and was on his way to get that car, too.
When she arrived later at his shop to retrieve her car, she was met by three ladies picking up their car, which also had a flat.
All of them, it turned out, were on their way to St. Mary of the Pines in Chatawa, Miss.
Sister Carla Marie was heading there to begin her retirement, and the ladies were going there for a three-day retreat.
She says, “For his help, Mr. Arabie was promised many, many Hail Marys.”
T. Med Hogg says, “I see the Postal Service is broke.
“I have a suggestion for them.
“Double or triple the cost for junk and bulk mail, catalogues, political and other requests for donations.
“Stop free mail for Congress and other government agencies.
“This should add more revenue and/or cut out the need for so many postal employees.”
Several readers responded to a request for information on how to properly dispose of an old American flag.
You can bring worn-out flags to the American Legion’s Nicholson Post No. 38 on South Wooddale Boulevard, where they will be burned in an approved manner.
And Reggie Gremillion says the Boy Scouts also dispose of retired flags. They accept them at the Istrouma Area Council offices, 9644 Brookline Ave.
The fine folks who bring you the Spanish Town Mardi Gras parade and ball present the 10th annual Spanish Town Mardi Gras Invitational Golf Tournament at 8 a.m. Saturday at Magnolia Creek Country Club and Golf Resort in Ethel.
The field is limited to 12 four-person “krewes” (keeping the Mardi Gras spirit going).
There will be lunch and prizes, and proceeds will go to a variety of charities.
For information, call Dusty Kling at (225) 328-3167.
Special People Dept.
Arthur J. “Mr. Art” Hannaman Jr., of Denham Springs, celebrated his 91st birthday Saturday.
Algie Petrere is puzzled:
“My husband recently said that with all the yoga I do, he thought I would be more flexible.
“What do you think he meant by that?”
Doug Treadway offers “my idea of a limerick as written by Edgar Allan Poe”:
As I pondered weak and weary over a column of local lore,
So I wondered, hopeful, cheery, what this writer held in store.
Thus imagine my surprise:
Cosmic truths and comic lies.
Kudos, kudos, Smiley Anders, I’ll read his column evermore.
Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He also can be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.