Smiley Anders for Feb. 6, 2012
After I discussed getting in the last word with law enforcement officers who stop us for various traffic violations, it occurred to me that there’s hardly any way you can get the best of these folks.
After all, they spend all day every day listening to every excuse imaginable from clowns like us.
Andy Sobert offers an example of how quick-witted the officers can be:
“Our bridge group was waiting for a member who was late for our Friday night gathering.
“He finally showed up and explained that he had a late start home from a distant point in his territory, plus he had been stopped by a state trooper for speeding.
“Our member told the trooper that he had received a call from a local hospital who needed his services ASAP.
“The trooper patiently listened, then remarked, ‘I’ll write fast.’ ”
A tale of mercy
Pat Bourg has a story about the infamous Golden Meadow speed trap back in the days when the LSU football team was losing regularly:
“Driving home from Grand Isle with a couple of buddies, I was following an old car that seemed to drive about 15 in all the curves and no passing zones, then speed up in areas where passing was allowed.
“After a few miles I zipped around the car, to be stopped by a Golden Meadow law officer.
“He asked me, ‘Son, do you know what them there two double lines mean?’
“I replied, ‘Sir, I don’t think I ever saw two double lines; where are some?’
“To which he said, ‘Boy, where you from?’
“I replied, ‘Baton Rouge.’
“He asked if I went to LSU, and when I replied yes, he said ‘Well, son, as bad a season as you boys had, I am not gonna ruin it with a ticket’.”
Cutting remarks
Our tale of the young man getting an U.S. Army physical reminded Doug Johnson, of Watson, of his own physical many years ago:
“The examining doctor asked if I had been in any accidents or had surgery.
“I told him I had not.
“He then asked in a haughty voice, ‘Then how do you explain these two scars with stitch marks?’
“Indeed, there are two scars on my left shoulder, with a total of 19 stitch marks.
“ ‘That was no accident,’ I explained. ‘The guy who did it, did it on purpose, and he was not a surgeon.’ ”
Bag ’em
Sue Conran says our readers who have problems with cardinals attacking their vehicles’ mirrors can solve the problem by putting plastic grocery bags over the mirrors.
But their problem with the birds “flying at warp speed into the sliding glass patio doors” was solved only by getting new French doors.
Worthy causes
The American Heart Association’s “Go Red for Women Luncheon” is Thursday from 9:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. at the Crowne Plaza on Constitution Avenue.
There’ll be a silent auction, photo opportunities for groups, interactive health stations and health screenings, all free.
A ticketed luncheon and fashion show starts at 11:30 a.m.
Call (770) 612-6180 or visit http://www.heart.org/batonrougegored.
Party animals
Well, if not party, at least open house animals …
The LSU School of Veterinary Medicine holds its 30th annual open house Saturday from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. It’s free, but donations are welcome.
Call Gretchen Morgan at (225) 578-9565 or visit http://www.vetmed.lsu.edu.
Special People Dept.
Eddie Aydell celebrates his 102nd birthday Monday.
Remedial computing
Joseph G. Simmons sends over some tales of encounters between novice computer users and tech support:
Tech support: “What kind of computer do you have?”
Customer: “A white one.”
Tech support: “Click on the ‘my computer’ icon to the left of the screen.”
Customer: “Your left or my left?”
Tech support: “What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?”
Customer: “A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.”
Customer: “I can’t get on the Internet.”
Tech support: “Are you sure you used the right password?”
Customer: “Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.”
Tech support: “Can you tell me what the password was?”
Customer: “Five dots.”
Which reminds me
This is an actual conversation that took place between me and a guy in our Technical Place right after we got new PCs in The Advocate newsroom:
Me: “I can’t get my computer to work.”
Tech support: “What is your computer name?”
Me: “Well, I call mine ‘George,’ but I don’t see what that has to do … Hello? Hello?”
Bah! Humbug!
The more I fool around with Facebook, the more I identify with this gent, as described by Dr. Bill Smith:
“A grouchy old geezer was learning how to use a computer from his daughter.
“He asked her, ‘What’s all this business about Facebook and Twitter?’
“She told him that they were social networks, and he said, ‘Do they have any antisocial networks?’ ”
Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by fax at (225) 388-0351 or mail at P.O. Box 588, Baton Rouge, LA 70821.